C Is Faster If You Just Ask It Nicely To Run Python

The first part of this authentication function is actually doing its job—checking if the password matches. But then comes the security masterpiece: if (true == true) . Congratulations, you've created the digital equivalent of a bouncer who checks your ID and then lets you in anyway because "yep, gravity still works!" This function will authenticate literally anyone who gets past the first check... or fails it and just keeps trying. Security experts hate this one weird trick!

That smug feeling when you post a "help me fix this code" question on a C++ forum, but it's actually a homework assignment you're trying to get solved for free. Those poor souls thinking they're helping a fellow developer in need, when they're really just doing your assignment. The digital equivalent of tricking someone into carrying your furniture because you told them you're "just rearranging things."

Behold, the sacred scroll that shatters 15 years of developer ego in one fell swoop! You've been meticulously crafting those clever one-liners, spending hours on micro-optimizations, and feeling like a code wizard for squeezing out that 0.002% performance boost. Meanwhile, your compiler is silently judging you, throwing most of your "genius" optimizations straight into the garbage bin during compilation. This is the programming equivalent of finding out Santa isn't real. All those sleepless nights spent optimizing that loop? Completely pointless. Modern compilers are basically saying: "That's cute. Now watch how it's really done." Pro tip: Focus on writing clean, maintainable code first. Let the compiler handle the optimization heavy lifting. Your future self (and coworkers) will thank you when they don't have to decipher your "optimized" cryptic masterpiece.

Ah, the classic zero-indexed array defense. Technically correct but emotionally questionable. The guy told his girlfriend she's at index [1] in his array of interests, thinking he's being clever because that means she's his #2 priority after programming. But she's happy because she thinks 1 means first place. Nobody tell her that arrays start at 0 in most programming languages. That relationship is running on a critical misunderstanding that's somehow working. It's like production code that functions despite a lurking off-by-one error.

The top code uses proper control flow with nested if statements and while loops - structured, readable, and maintainable. The bottom code? Pure chaos with line numbers and goto statements jumping around like a caffeinated squirrel. Nothing says "I want my colleagues to suffer" quite like spraying goto statements throughout your code. It's like leaving landmines for the next developer who has to maintain your mess. The best part? Both programs return 69 - because even terrible code can sometimes get the job done. Pro tip: If you want job security, write code only you can understand. If you want respect, never use goto .

Oh. My. GOD. When your C++ code crashes for the 47th time today and you've ABSOLUTELY HAD IT! 🔫 For the uninitiated, a segmentation fault is that soul-crushing error when your program tries to access memory it has NO BUSINESS touching - like that ex you promised to never contact again. It's the computer's way of saying "I'm not just disappointed, I'm FURIOUS with your life choices." The sheer DRAMA of threatening your computer with violence after it dares to segfault again is just *chef's kiss*. Like honey, that computer didn't write that null pointer - YOU DID! 💅