How To Forget C++

The Rust compiler is basically that one friend who won't let you leave the house until you've triple-checked that you turned off the stove, locked all 17 doors, and signed a legally binding document promising not to do anything stupid! 💀 Your sanity? GONE. Evaporated into thin air while you fight with the borrow checker for the 47th time today. But hey, at least your code won't have memory leaks or segfaults! That's right, sweetie - the compiler basically forces you to write perfect code or it will absolutely refuse to compile. The DRAMA of it all! Worth it? Maybe. But not before you've questioned every life choice that led you to programming in the first place.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of someone to suggest that C++ would choose this... this... CREATURE as its mascot! 💅 For your information, sweetie, C++ is represented by a PROPER logo that's all clean and mathematical with pluses, not some mangy rodent with suspicious patches! The fact that someone had to CLARIFY this is sending me into orbit! Poor Keith is just living his best diseased rat life while being DRAGGED into programming language politics he never asked for! The real tragedy here is that Keith probably writes better memory management code than half the C++ developers out there. 🙄

The AUDACITY of this parent teaching their baby that arrays start at 1! I cannot even BEGIN to express my horror! 😱 The poor innocent child utters "A-a-a" and this monster celebrates it as "first word" - only to DISCARD THE CHILD when they learn the truth?! Listen, sweetie, in this household we start counting from 0 or we don't count at all! Zero-indexing isn't just a preference, it's a LIFESTYLE CHOICE! The dumpster is honestly too good for such blasphemy!

Ah, C programming exams – where the real challenge isn't the code but surviving the professor's sadistic test design. First they paint on the basic "multiple choice" mask, then progressively transform into a full circus act with each question more absurd than the last. By the time they're forbidding calculators for 2^32 (that's 4,294,967,296 for us nerds who memorized it out of spite), you realize the course was never about programming – it was about psychological warfare. And they wonder why we drink so much coffee.

Oh. My. GOD. This is the programming equivalent of creating a monster that defies the laws of nature! 😱 Writing a JavaScript compiler in C++ is just Tuesday for hardcore devs, but a C++ compiler IN JAVASCRIPT?! That's like trying to fit an elephant into a matchbox while the matchbox is ON FIRE. The sheer AUDACITY of someone who would attempt such madness! They're not just playing with fire—they're juggling nuclear warheads while riding a unicycle across Niagara Falls. Whoever attempts this unholy abomination clearly has no fear, no boundaries, and probably no remaining sanity. Stay far, FAR away from that person at hackathons!

Look at this absolute psychopath writing a function that masquerades as addition but secretly performs dark magic with buffer overflows. The evil genius is using array indexing on a static buffer with arbitrary inputs, dereferencing pointers, and then subtracting the buffer's address from the result. This isn't addition—it's a ticking time bomb disguised as math. The dramatic lighting and quill pen really sell it. Nothing says "I'm about to crash your entire system" like writing memory-corrupting C code by candlelight like some kind of deranged 18th-century villain. Somewhere a security engineer just felt a cold shiver down their spine.