How To Forget C++

Sure, your 1000 lines of C++ run 100x faster than my 10 lines of Python. But while you were writing those thousand lines, I finished the project, had lunch, refactored twice, and still had time to scroll through Reddit. That torch of performance might look impressive, but the real caveman move is spending three weeks micro-optimizing what could've been done in an afternoon. Speed isn't just about execution time—it's about developer time too.

Whoever made this nailed the personality types of programming languages perfectly. Python: friendly, approachable, might look a bit weird but gets the job done with a smile. C# is just happy to be included in the conversation. Java is that enterprise monster that haunts your nightmares with its verbosity and boilerplate. C is the ancient turtle carrying decades of legacy code on its back. And JavaScript... well, JavaScript is that chaotic demon that somehow powers 99% of the web despite making absolutely no sense half the time. The hierarchy of terror is real, folks.

The evolution of C-based languages depicted through increasingly intense reactions. C is met with boredom. C++ sparks interest. C# triggers excitement. Then we hit whatever unholy abomination C with a snowflake is supposed to be, causing brain meltdown. Finally, C with a tesseract dimension cube transforms our developer into a transcendent being who can see through time and space. Classic progression from "I can code" to "I have become one with the compiler."

The AUDACITY of this parent teaching their baby that arrays start at 1! I cannot even BEGIN to express my horror! 😱 The poor innocent child utters "A-a-a" and this monster celebrates it as "first word" - only to DISCARD THE CHILD when they learn the truth?! Listen, sweetie, in this household we start counting from 0 or we don't count at all! Zero-indexing isn't just a preference, it's a LIFESTYLE CHOICE! The dumpster is honestly too good for such blasphemy!

Initial excitement: "Learn C++ in one video? Sweet!" Then you notice the video is 35,040 minutes long—that's 24 days of non-stop coding hell. But wait! Setting playback speed to 30000x reduces it to a merciful 1.16 minutes! Modern problems require modern solutions. Just remember to pause at the memory management section or you'll miss the part where your computer and sanity both crash simultaneously.

The bell curve of programming wisdom strikes again! The average devs (34% on each side) are busy crying about "proper" type usage, screaming that you absolutely MUST use unsigned integers for positive values. Meanwhile, both the beginners (left) and the enlightened masters (right) just use regular integers for everything and get on with their lives. Why waste precious brain cycles on unsigned vs signed when you could be solving actual problems? Type purists will spend 3 hours arguing about uint8 vs int8 while the rest of us shipped the feature and went home early. The circle of programming life is complete when you realize simplicity beats pedantry every time.