How To Forget C++

Ah, the evolution of programming languages depicted as weapons. Assembler is just a knife with a scope—precise but primitive. C gives you a hammer and a bullet—basic tools that get the job done. C++ is that AK-47 with a bayonet because why choose between shooting or stabbing when you can do both? And Python... well, Python is basically what happens when a 5-year-old builds a robot from random LEGO pieces and duct tape. Sure, it might fall apart, but somehow it still works better than your meticulously engineered solution.

Imagine creating an entire programming language and then being asked to prove you know how to use it. The sheer audacity of HR making Ken Thompson—the literal father of C—take a C proficiency test is peak corporate bureaucracy. It's like asking Picasso to pass a coloring-within-the-lines test or making Einstein solve basic algebra before letting him work on relativity. "Sorry sir, company policy—everyone needs to demonstrate they can print 'Hello World' before accessing our codebase."

The classic C++ experience in four acts: compilation success, runtime catastrophe. Imagine thinking you've won because your code compiled without errors. That's like celebrating because your parachute folded nicely before discovering mid-jump that it's actually filled with confetti. The personified C++ language is basically gaslighting the programmer: "Zero syntax errors! You're good to go!" while secretly knowing the segmentation fault apocalypse awaits. It's the programming equivalent of "the food is perfectly safe" followed by violent food poisoning. Segmentation faults - where C++ reminds you that memory management is your problem, not hers.

When your therapist underestimates the psychological damage of learning German syntax in programming... For the uninitiated, this meme shows what C would look like if Germans designed it - with terrifying function names like "druckef" instead of "printf" and "zurück" instead of "return." The real horror isn't just the German words - it's that someone actually created this monstrosity and made it syntactically valid. Imagine debugging this at 3 AM with a deadline in 4 hours. The stuff of nightmares! Your compiler errors would probably come with extra efficiency and no sense of humor whatsoever.

Learning C++ in just 6 hours? Obi-Wan's face says it all. The archives must be missing the other 994 hours needed to actually understand pointers, memory management, and why your code segfaults at 2AM for no apparent reason. YouTube tutorials promising "FULL COURSE" mastery of C++ in a few hours is the path to the dark side of programming—frustration, rage, and eventually throwing your laptop out the window. No wonder Anakin went full Sith Lord.

The ultimate renewable resource isn't solar or wind—it's the endless energy of C++ developers triggering Rust evangelists. Just say "I really like C++" through a solar-powered loudspeaker, and watch an army of Rust zealots charge uphill to lecture you about memory safety. They'll inevitably fall through your trapdoor, spin your turbine on their way down, and get neatly deposited at the bottom—ready to climb again when you repeat your "controversial" statement. Forget nuclear fusion; we've harnessed something far more reliable: programmer tribalism.