Just Use Curl

Oh honey, you think you're solving problems with regular commands? PATHETIC! Running your program normally is like jogging down a dusty road in your gym shorts - barely functional and nobody's impressed. Running as Administrator? Sure, put on your fancy business suit and pretend you have authority, sweetie. But SUDO ?! That's unleashing a samurai warrior demigod with the power to OBLITERATE permissions! It's the nuclear option for when your code refuses to behave! Nothing says "I'M NOT ASKING ANYMORE" like summoning the absolute destructive power of sudo. Your computer will either do exactly what you want or DIE TRYING!

You start with such bravado. "I'm gonna switch to Linux! No more Windows bloat! I'll compile my own kernel!" Then reality knocks you flat on your ass when you spend six hours trying to get your Wi-Fi driver working only to discover your graphics card isn't supported. The confidence-to-competence pipeline is brutal in Linux land. That water bottle isn't hydration—it's tears from trying to remember if it's sudo apt-get or sudo apt install for the fifth time today.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of spending 30 HOURS automating a task that takes 3 MINUTES to do manually! But darling, that's the hill we die on! 💅 The banner says it ALL: "We do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy." The AUDACITY of our optimism! The DELUSION of our time estimates! Sure, I could just do the task 600 times manually before breaking even on my automation investment, but where's the DRAMA in that? The THRILL of overengineering? The pure ECSTASY of writing a script that will save me time in some hypothetical future that will never come?!

The Vim escape ritual—where senior devs casually drop the ":q!" bomb like it's nothing while junior devs watch in horror. That command is basically the developer equivalent of walking away from an explosion without looking back. No saving, no mercy, just pure chaotic energy. The juniors sit there wondering if this person has no fear of losing work or if they've ascended to some higher plane of existence where code is temporary but swagger is forever.

When your actual cat decides to help you debug by pointing at the cat command. The ultimate code review assistant who doesn't judge your terrible bash scripts—just occasionally walks across your keyboard to add random characters as "improvements." Ten years of software engineering and my best technical consultant still has a litterbox.

The pure existential crisis of a Linux power user forced to use Windows for more than 600 seconds. No terminal? No package manager? GUI for everything?! The emotional damage is real. That moment when you realize you've spent 5 minutes searching for a bash command that doesn't exist in PowerShell and another 5 minutes watching a progress bar that refuses to tell you what it's actually doing. The return to Linux isn't just a preference—it's a spiritual homecoming.