Priorities Sorted (By Executive Golf Outings)

The tech industry's desperate attempt to make "middle management" sound like absolute monarchy is reaching new heights. Forget boring titles like "Director" or "Lead" – everyone's a "Czar" now! Because nothing says "I'm approachable and collaborative" like naming yourself after autocratic Russian emperors. Next up: "JavaScript Sultan," "DevOps Dictator," and "UX Design Deity." Just waiting for someone to update their LinkedIn to "Supreme Git Overlord" with a straight face. The funniest part? The more grandiose the title, the more likely you're just managing a Jira board and begging people to come to your stand-ups.

Coding alone: Hulk smashing everything in sight, pure chaos, feeling invincible. Code review with seniors: Hulk looking ashamed, hand on face, surrounded by judgmental Avengers who are silently wondering how you managed to break every coding standard in existence. Nothing humbles you faster than having your "brilliant" solution dissected by people who've seen every bad implementation since COBOL was cool. The "ONE WAY" sign in the background is just chef's kiss irony.

The legendary "one more bug" lie that's older than version control itself. Every developer knows that fixing "just one more bug" is like saying you'll have "just one potato chip." Fast forward 84 years and you're still knee-deep in spaghetti code, wondering where your youth went. The project manager is still optimistically putting "almost done" on the sprint report while the codebase has evolved into its own sentient entity with trust issues.

The universe has a sick sense of humor when it comes to code. That beautiful algorithm you crafted at 2 AM with perfect variable names? Gone in the next sprint. Meanwhile, that horrific spaghetti monstrosity you wrote during a caffeine-induced panic attack is now your company's "mission-critical infrastructure." And don't get me started on that feature you meticulously documented that's collecting digital dust while the bug that only manifests during client demos is practically sentient at this point. It's like Murphy's Law got a Computer Science degree.

Spend 4 hours writing actual code? Nah. Spend half the morning arguing whether it should be userData , user_data , or just data ? Now we're talking! Nothing derails a productive coding session quite like a heated variable naming debate. The real programming happens in Slack threads and pull request comments where we pretend our naming conventions will somehow make the difference between project success and catastrophic failure. Meanwhile, the actual feature remains unimplemented and the deadline inches closer...

The classic PM-to-developer exchange: "Hey, we need this feature done asap, can you work over the weekend?" followed by the developer's response—a person in Windows 95 merch giving a thumbs up that screams "absolutely not" in every possible way. Nothing says "your poor planning isn't my emergency" quite like a passive-aggressive thumbs up from someone who's already mentally logged off until Monday. The ancient art of appearing supportive while silently updating your resume.