The Computer Science Reality Gap

The Computer Science Reality Gap
Ah, the eternal gap between perception and reality in CS. You casually mention you're studying computer science, and suddenly everyone thinks you're some digital demigod who can resurrect their 10-year-old laptop with a single touch. Meanwhile, the truth is you're just another soul staring blankly at a compiler error at 3am, questioning your life choices and wondering if the machine is actually sentient and personally hates you. The best part? After 15 years in the industry, I still get family calls about printer issues. No, Aunt Karen, my distributed systems expertise doesn't help me understand why your wireless printer only works on Tuesdays.

The Evolution Of JavaScript Promises

The Evolution Of JavaScript Promises
JavaScript developers evolving their Promise syntax like it's Pokémon. First there was .convertToPromise() which nobody remembers using. Then came .makePromise() , the awkward teenage phase. But .promisify() ? That's the good stuff that makes developers bare their teeth in that special "I finally found the right utility function after 3 hours of Stack Overflow" grin.

Stop Shortening Variable Names Istg

Stop Shortening Variable Names Istg
Ah yes, the ancient programmer tradition of naming variables like you're being charged by the character. "Why use 'playerCharacterPosition' when 'pcp' works?" they say, while their IDE helpfully autocompletes it anyway. The melting yellow creature perfectly captures that internal meltdown when someone suggests using descriptive variable names. "But my fingers will get tired from all that typing that the computer does for me!" Meanwhile, six months later, nobody remembers what 'plobjcaracy' was supposed to mean, including the person who wrote it.

C++ Developers Purchasing A Monitor Large Enough To Display All Linker Errors At Once

C++ Developers Purchasing A Monitor Large Enough To Display All Linker Errors At Once
Ah yes, the eternal C++ linker error saga. That moment when you include one wrong header and suddenly your terminal vomits 500 lines of cryptic template instantiation errors, undefined references, and mangled symbol names that look like someone headbutted the keyboard. The ultrawide monitor isn't for gaming or productivity—it's for seeing the entire stack trace without scrolling. Still won't help you understand why std::vector<std::unique_ptr<YourClass>> is causing 17 different linking errors, but at least you can see them all at once while crying into your coffee.

I Think Therefore Hello World

I Think Therefore Hello World
Forced to code instead of pondering existence? Congrats, you've stumbled into the Ship of Theseus paradox anyway! This Python code brilliantly implements the ancient philosophical question: if you replace every part of a ship, is it still the same ship? The code compares two identical ASCII art ships and concludes they're the same despite replacements - exactly what philosophers have argued about for centuries. Your parents thought they were steering you away from "useless" philosophy, but here you are, solving metaphysical puzzles with a text editor instead of a quill. Checkmate, practical career advice.

I'm "Coding"

I'm "Coding"
When your non-tech friend asks what you're doing and you say "I'm coding," but really you're just asking ChatGPT to build the next billion-dollar startup for you. Let's be honest—we've all typed "make me an app like [insert successful company]" at least once when nobody was looking. The modern equivalent of copying homework, except now we call it "leveraging AI tools for rapid prototyping." Who needs years of software engineering when you can just sweet-talk an AI into doing it for you?

Stop People Stealing Website Images: The Escalating Madness

Stop People Stealing Website Images: The Escalating Madness
The evolution of image protection from amateur hour to galaxy brain: First stage: "Let's disable right-click!" - the digital equivalent of putting a 'Do Not Touch' sign on a cookie jar. Cute. Second stage: "I'll detect dev tools!" Because surely no one would ever use a second device to take a photo of their screen. Revolutionary thinking there. Third stage: The convoluted PNG-video-DRM-EME pipeline. Six meetings, three sprints, and a product manager's career highlight to implement. Final stage: The ultimate overkill - capturing user clicks to dynamically regenerate encrypted frames. Because nothing says "reasonable solution" like burning a server farm to protect your stock photos. Meanwhile, users just press Print Screen and move on with their lives.

The Three Certainties Of Life

The Three Certainties Of Life
Benjamin Franklin once said only two things were certain: death and taxes. If he were a gamer today, he'd add a third: Steam updates blocking your gaming session. Nothing like sitting down for a quick game after a long day only to be greeted by the update progress bar from hell. The ancient update ritual that somehow always kicks in precisely when you have 30 minutes to play. At this point, I'm convinced Valve employs psychics who know exactly when I'm about to launch a game.

It Worked. I Don't Know Why. I'm Scared.

It Worked. I Don't Know Why. I'm Scared.
The universal debugging experience in two frames: First, your code inexplicably works after 17 random changes and you have no idea which one fixed it. Then comes the existential dread of knowing you'll have to maintain this mysterious black box tomorrow. The fear isn't from bugs—it's from the working code you can't explain. Nothing more terrifying than success you don't understand.

Developers Will Always Find A Way

Developers Will Always Find A Way
The classic developer hack - when you can't change the requirements, just redefine reality. Fallout 3 devs couldn't code a functioning train, so they just slapped a train model on an NPC's head and made him run underground. It's basically the game dev equivalent of saying "it's not a bug, it's a feature" and actually meaning it. Somewhere, a senior engineer is still defending this in architecture reviews as "an elegant solution given the constraints." This is why we can't have nice things... but we do get train hats.

Who Needs Junior Devs Anyway

Who Needs Junior Devs Anyway
The modern tech company hierarchy in one perfect image. Junior dev happily letting AI do the heavy lifting while the senior dev is stuck reviewing 500 lines of algorithmic word vomit. Meanwhile, the project manager is just pointing a gun at everyone's back screaming about deadlines. And there sits the CEO, blissfully unaware in his ivory pew, dreaming about firing the entire dev team because ChatGPT told him it could do their jobs. Ten years of experience just to babysit robot output – exactly what we all went to college for!

Finally Got Myself An AMD 9080

Finally Got Myself An AMD 9080
Ah yes, the new AMD 9080. Runs Crysis at 0.0001 FPS and doubles as a museum exhibit. That's not a graphics card—it's an AM9080 CPU from the 1970s. While everyone's fighting scalpers for RTX cards, you've gone full retro and time-traveled to computing's Jurassic period. Bold strategy. At least your vintage processor doesn't need a liquid cooling system... just some dust removal and possibly carbon dating.