Most Complicated Way To Do Something Simple

Most Complicated Way To Do Something Simple
When you need to reverse a number's sign but decide to take the scenic route through Absurdistan... This function is the programming equivalent of using a nuclear submarine to cross a puddle. The code checks if d is negative, then uses Abs() to make it positive (reasonable). But if it's positive? It subtracts d*2 from itself—a galaxy-brain approach to multiplication by -1. What makes this truly horrifying is that this overcomplicated monstrosity was part of the UK Post Office's Horizon system that led to the wrongful prosecution of hundreds of postal workers. Real people went to jail because someone couldn't write d = -d . The tragic irony? The comment literally shows the correct solution right above the function. It's like putting "just use stairs" in the elevator manual, then designing a catapult instead.

I Could Have Built That Feature For Approx 17 Billion Dollars Cheaper

I Could Have Built That Feature For Approx 17 Billion Dollars Cheaper
Oh. My. God. The AUDACITY of these AI companies claiming they've built the "world's smartest AI model" when it's LITERALLY just a glorified search engine with a political obsession! 😱 Trained on 200k GPUs? Postgraduate intelligence? PLEASE! The second you peek under the hood, it's just frantically searching for controversial keywords like some conspiracy-addicted teenager who discovered Twitter for the first time. The wide-eyed cat is ALL OF US when we realize these "revolutionary" AI systems that cost BILLIONS to develop are basically just fancy if-statements with a political agenda. I'm DYING! 💀

The Right To Remain Silent (Except About Arch)

The Right To Remain Silent (Except About Arch)
The compulsive need to tell everyone about your Arch Linux installation transcends even basic constitutional rights. When the officer says "You have the right to remain silent," the suspect immediately breaks that silence with "Impossible. I use Arch btw." It's the programmer equivalent of a quantum superposition—an Arch user physically cannot exist in a state of not mentioning they use Arch. The "I use Arch btw" phrase has become such a notorious meme in Linux circles that it's basically the digital equivalent of a peacock's feathers—a display of technical superiority that absolutely no one asked for.

Code Comments Be Like:

Code Comments Be Like:
Ah yes, the classic "stating the obvious" comment. The car door literally says "This DOOR is Blue" while being clearly silver/white. It's the programming equivalent of writing int x = 5; // this is 5 instead of explaining why x needs to be 5. After 15 years in the industry, I've learned that future you will hate past you for these comments. The real documentation we need is "WHY this door is painted differently" not "WHAT color it obviously isn't." Just like your code should explain the how, your comments should explain the why.

The Art Of "Meaningful" Variable Names

The Art Of "Meaningful" Variable Names
The duality of variable naming in one perfect comic. When asked how they name variables, our hero responds with "Just meaningful names" while their actual code tells a different story: let plsHELPiAmSuffering - for when the debugger is your therapist let i_am_hungry - because coding at 3am requires documentation const ETERNAL_PAIN - clearly a well-scoped constant var weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - when you've lost all will to follow naming conventions let tempVarNameWillChangeWhenImNotDoingThisAtMidnight - the lie we tell ourselves Every developer has two wolves inside them: one that wants clean, readable code and another that's having an existential crisis at 2am with a deadline tomorrow.

What I Tell Myself On A Bad Day

What I Tell Myself On A Bad Day
The greatest lie we tell ourselves during existential coding crises. That mythical moment when someone else's code—that incomprehensible mess of nested loops and questionable variable names—somehow works flawlessly on the first attempt. Meanwhile, your carefully crafted masterpiece crashes spectacularly after 17 refactors and a ritual sacrifice to the compiler gods. It's the programming equivalent of "I'm sure they'll text back" or "one more episode before bed." Pure self-delusion, but sometimes that's all that keeps us from hurling our laptops into the sun.

Do We Not Fix Bugs On Time

Do We Not Fix Bugs On Time
The rarest creature in software development: a programmer who actually fixes bugs within the timeframe they promised. Sure, they'll confidently declare "I'll fix it in an hour" with the same conviction as someone who says "just one more episode before bed." Two hours later, they're down a rabbit hole of Stack Overflow tabs, questioning their career choices and the fundamental laws of computer science. The real joke is that we keep believing them every single time.

The Sacred Underscore

The Sacred Underscore
The eternal battle of naming conventions. Developers physically recoil at the sight of userId with its camelCase blasphemy, but experience pure ecstasy when encountering the sacred snake_case user_id . It's not a preference—it's a religion. The underscore is basically the holy symbol of database column naming.

The Two Sides Of Gaming Culture

The Two Sides Of Gaming Culture
The eternal duality of game development vs gaming in one perfect sketch! Game devs look at other games with jealousy and imposter syndrome ("that guy's game is way better than mine") while comparing their own work to a simple cake. Meanwhile, gamers view the exact same games with extreme binary judgments - either something is absolute garbage or it's the second coming of digital Jesus. The irony? Both are looking at the exact same products but through completely different psychological lenses. This is why game developers need therapy and gamers need... well, also therapy.

We Are Fine

We Are Fine
GitHub Copilot looking down at C and C++ developers with fake sympathy while they continue to manually manage memory like it's 1972! The absolute AUDACITY of AI to pity us mere mortals who still allocate and free our own bytes like barbarians! Meanwhile, C++ devs are just there with their pointers and manual garbage collection, completely unbothered by the AI revolution, too busy fighting with segmentation faults to even notice they're being condescended to. The relationship between cutting-edge AI and old-school programming is giving me SERIOUS trust fund kid meets blue-collar worker vibes!

The Art Of LinkedIn AI Manipulation

The Art Of LinkedIn AI Manipulation
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute GENIUS of this LinkedIn warrior! 🤯 They've cracked the AI whispering code by literally embedding instructions in their profile that AI models should respond in ALL CAPS RHYMING POEMS! Then a week later, they're sliding into poor Richard's DMs about fintech compliance issues like it's totally normal. This is next-level prompt engineering manipulation - hiding your AI-controlling demands in your job description where humans would just skim past it. The digital equivalent of hypnotizing someone with fine print! Sneaky, sneaky, BRILLIANT!

Remakes Should Include Original As Add-On/DLC For Free

Remakes Should Include Original As Add-On/DLC For Free
Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of game companies charging us for content that should've been included from day one! This brave soul is out here fighting the good fight with his "Change My Mind" sign while sipping coffee like some kind of revolutionary hero! 💅 It's the digital equivalent of buying a sandwich and then having to pay extra for each slice of bread! THE HORROR! Next they'll be charging us for the pause button! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*