Looking For Love In All The Wrong File Systems

Ah, the eternal wait for SteamOS 3.0 desktop release – the final boss before countless Windows refugees make the leap to Linux. Valve's been teasing us since the Steam Deck launched, and here we all are, desperately begging Gabe Newell like he's some digital deity holding the keys to our Windows-free future. Meanwhile, most Linux veterans are just sitting back thinking, "Just install Arch and be done with it, you cowards."

Content How to fix any computer Windows Step 1. Reboot Did that fix it? Nor Proceed to step a Step a Format hard drive. Reinstall Windows Lose all your files Quietly weep Apple Step 1. Take it to an Apple store Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a Step a Buy a new Mac Overdraw your account Quietly weep Linux Step 1. Learn to code in C. Recompile the kernel. Build your own microprocessor out of spare silicon you had lying around Recompile the kernel again. Switch distros. Recompile the kernel again but this time using a CPU powered by refracted light from Saturn. Grow a giant beard. Blame Sun Microsystems. Turn your bedroom into a server closet and spend ten years falling asleep to the sound of whirring fans. Switch distros again. Abandon all hygiene. Write a regular expression that would make other programmers cry blood. Learn to code in Java. Recompile the kernel again (but this time while wearing your lucky socks). Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a Step a. Revert back to Using Windows or a Mac Quietly weep

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute DRAMA of RAM upgrades! 💅 Going from 32GB to 64GB? *yawn* Just another Tuesday. Your computer barely notices the difference. It's like getting an extra sprinkle on your already overloaded sundae. But honey, upgrading from 8GB to 16GB? THE TENSION! Your machine goes from "I might die opening Photoshop" to "I guess I can handle two Chrome tabs now." The improvement is noticeable but still not life-changing. And then there's the EARTH-SHATTERING experience of going from 2GB to 4GB! Your computer transforms from a pathetic slug into A LITERAL BEAST WITH MUSCLES! It's like going from crawling through molasses to... slightly faster molasses! The difference is so dramatic you might actually be able to run Windows without it having an existential crisis every five minutes!

Content 10 WAYS TO TROLL YOUR DEVELOPER 1: CHANGE ALL CONSOLE SETTINGS TO BLACK ON BLACK. STRANGE... NO DEBUG PRINTOUTS 2: HAVE THEM FIX OLD CODE. 3: REQUIRE IT TO WORK ON ALL PLATFORMS. IT WILL HAVE TORUN ON IOS, ANDROID, WINDOWS PHONE AND THIS ROTARY FROM 1931. 4: HIRE UNQUALIFIED DEVELOPERS. CHAD WILLBE DOING UI. 5: DISREGARD ANY NEED FOR TESTING. A TESTING PHASE ISN'T REALLY IN THE BUDGET IT'S JUST GONNA HAVE TO WORK 6: REQUIRE IT TO WORK FOR ALL USER GROUPS. MR. NIBBLES SAID ITS VERY UNINTUITIVE. MEOW. 7: POP YOUR HEAD IN EVERY FIVE MINUTES TOROND OVER YOUR STUPID COWORKERS SHARON USES A QUESTION MARK WHEN SHE GOOGLES A QUESTIONI 8: BLOCK ALL ACCESS TO STACK OVERFLOW. NOW, NOW, NO CHEATING CELO 9: MAKE ALL TASKS TOP PRIORITY. THE DATABASE NEEDS TO BEUP AND RUNNING ASAP, AS WELL AS THE AUDIO ENGINE, CRITICAL AND ALSO 3D BUTTON SHADING. 10:ASK A DEV TO 'FIX YOUR COMPUTER' MR. NIBBLES WAS WATCHING GOOD WIFE AND SUDDENLY THIS BLUE THINGY CAME War and Peas

Content Name O Antimalware Service Executable Windows Modules Installer Wor... N Windows 10 Setup A Microsoft Windows Search Inde... 88 CPU 30.8 22.7 15.9 3.3 84 Memory 201.4 MB 84.3 MB 1.2 MB 23.1 MB 48 Disk 0.3 MBs 0.9 MBs 5.5 MBs 0.1 MBs

Looks like someone took "burn your bridges" a bit too literally! This poor Dell laptop has clearly been through what IT departments call "aggressive user testing" – or what the rest of us call "setting company property on fire before returning it." Nothing says "I quit" quite like returning a laptop that looks like it was used to debug code in the actual fires of hell. The screen is charred, the keyboard is melted, and that trackpad has seen things no trackpad should ever see. The best part? Some exec is definitely asking if it can be refurbished for the next hire. "Just reinstall Windows, it'll be fine."