When You Only Know HTML

Ah yes, the sudden retina assault that happens when you click a link at 11pm. Nothing quite like having your eyeballs incinerated by #FFFFFF backgrounds when you're coding in your cave. It's 2025 and we've got AI generating entire codebases, but somehow implementing prefers-color-scheme media query is still considered bleeding-edge technology for half the internet. I've literally added dark mode to sites in 10 minutes, but apparently that's too much effort for billion-dollar companies. The sunglasses aren't fashion—they're survival equipment for frontend developers.

STOP THE MADNESS! React developers have officially lost their minds with this absurd syntax from the "future." The code using use = useUsing("using") is like the JavaScript equivalent of saying "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" but somehow WORSE! 💀 React hooks were already confusing enough with their useState , useEffect , useContext , useReducer , useMemo , useCallback , useRef , and now they're just trolling us with useUsing ?! Is this what we've come to? Next they'll release useUseUsingUsedUses and expect us to keep our sanity!

The juxtaposition here is pure gold. After years of developers begging for dark mode on Stack Overflow, they finally release it in 2020... proving that yes, programmers literally only want one thing. And apparently it's "fucking disgusting" to want your retinas intact at 3 AM while desperately searching for why your code is broken. Sure took them long enough – we only had to wait until our eyeballs were practically fossilized from light mode strain. The sweet irony of Stack Overflow calling their most requested feature "coming to life" when it's actually saving the life of our poor, abused eyes.

College professors living in 2010. Rejecting modern frameworks and buzzwords with a dismissive hand, but absolutely glowing at the prospect of making students implement bubble sort for the 47th time. Nothing says "preparing you for the industry" like coding algorithms nobody's written from scratch since the Bush administration.

JavaScript developers dealing with so many bugs they've evolved into superhuman debugging machines. When your code is 90% workarounds and 10% actual features, you either cry or get absolutely ripped from carrying the technical debt. No wonder the guy can't afford a shirt – spent all his money on protein and Stack Overflow premium.

Nothing says "national security" like pushing straight to production. The Department of Defense apparently skipped the staging environment and decided to test their website updates right where everyone can see them. That random string of "asfasfasdfasf" at the bottom is the digital equivalent of a nuclear launch code that reads "12345." And they've dated it December 2024 - either someone's testing time travel or they've got the most aggressive sprint planning I've ever seen. Next time your PM complains about your code, just remind them that even people with actual missiles are out here keyboard-mashing in production.