The Cookie Banner Conspiracy

Remember when FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) was the dream destination for every code monkey with a computer science degree? Well, move over grandpa, because now it's all about GAYMAN - Google, Amazon, Y(ahoo?), Meta, Apple, Nvidia. The tech landscape shifts faster than my git branch strategy. These six horsemen of the apocalypse now control whether your resume gets tossed in the bin or your salary hits six figures. Funny how we measure our worth by which corporate logo sits on our LinkedIn profile. Peak capitalism wrapped in RGB lighting.

Ah yes, the classic startup "opportunity" where you can trade actual money for the possibility of future money! The red flag is so big it could guide ships through fog. Translation: "We can't afford developers but we're pretty sure our idea is the next Facebook. Trust us, bro." Zero applicants after three weeks? Shocking! Almost as if professional developers enjoy paying rent and buying food. The audacity of calling unpaid work a "stake in our future" instead of what it really is—gambling with your time.

The emotional trauma of diving back into TypeScript after swimming in the lawless waters of JavaScript is just too real. It's like going from a world where you can declare variables as whatever the hell you want, to suddenly having a strict parent checking your homework and screaming "TYPE ERROR" at every turn. That fetal position is the universal developer stance for "I've seen things in that legacy codebase that cannot be unseen." The sweet structure of TypeScript feels like both salvation and punishment after you've been living like a code bandit for too long.

The most honest answer in tech history. Nobody has a heroic origin story—we're all just professional Googlers with imposter syndrome and a knack for copy-pasting Stack Overflow solutions. The terrified expression really sells it because deep down we're all waiting for someone to discover we're just stringing together other people's code while pretending we knew what we were doing all along. The real programming certification should just be "Advanced Google Search Techniques 101."

The corporate-to-home wardrobe budget transformation is the true remote work perk nobody talks about. Left side: $322 of business casual attire. Right side: $132 of "camera-ready from the waist up" fashion and whatever the hell counts as pants when nobody can see your lower half. The glasses stay though—gotta maintain that "I know what I'm doing" facade while debugging in your underwear. Remote work didn't just save commute time; it liberated us from the tyranny of pants.

The tech industry's collective amnesia is truly spectacular. First, we survived the video game crash of '83, then the dot-com implosion, followed by crypto's rollercoaster of disappointment. Now we're watching the AI hype train barrel toward the same cliff while techbros insist "but this time it's different because GPT-5 and 6!" It's like watching someone confidently build a sandcastle below the tide line for the fourth time. History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme... with a neural network-generated beat drop.