One Table Databases

Content First Name Alan Must be a number Last Name Vour answer

Nothing says "responsible parenting" quite like abandoning your child with a mainframe computer from the 1970s and a COBOL manual! This is basically the programming equivalent of leaving your kid with dinosaurs as babysitters. That poor child is about to learn that semicolons aren't just for English class and that punch cards were the original "swipe right." The ultimate character-building exercise: debug COBOL or no dinner tonight! Honestly, this might explain why so many banking systems still run on ancient code - those traumatized children grew up and refused to ever touch the code again.

Content STOP DOING AGILE SOFTWARE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SISYPHEAN YEARS OF PROGRAMS yet NO REAL-WORLD USE FOUND for a DAILY STANDUP Wanted to add features anyway for a laugh? We had a tool for that: It was called "WATERFALL" "Yes please give me UNFINISHED software. Please let me work INFINITY hours"- Statements dreamed up by the utterly Deranged LOOK at what Programmers have been demanding your Respect for all this time, with all the keyboards mice we built for them (This is REAL Programming, done by REAL Programmers): SCRUM PROCESS ????? ??????? ????????????????? "Hello I would like features please" They have played us for absolute fools

Content Must haves this is an AND) N years in a software engineering role supporting real production systems at scale (for reasonable N). You've built shit; you've broken shit; you've gotten the 2am Pager Duty call and saved the day. Experience with Node, Postgres, Snowflake, PrefectAirflow, and other related technologies. If you think these are dumb choices, tell us why. Be smart and get shit done. Be a doer and a risk-taker. Nice to haves (this is an OR) Experience in web 2 ad tech, attribution, or user growth. You know how the Web 2 user sausage is made. Knowledge of and interest in crypto protocols and Web 3 projects. Experience with blockchain data tooling and infrastructure (what little there is). ProdrammerHumor io

Content Arvind Narayanan randomwalker 20 . Tech buzzwords explained: Al--regression Big data--data Blockchain--database Algorithm--automated decision-making Cloud--Internet Crypto-cryptocurrency Dark web- Onion service Data science-statistics done by nonstatisticians Disruption--competition Viral--popular loT-malware-ready device

Running database migrations in production is like mid-air refueling—precision required, failure not an option, and everyone's holding their breath the entire time. One wrong move and your fighter jet (aka production database) crashes spectacularly into the ground while management watches in horror. And just like military operations, you'll find yourself saying a little prayer before hitting that "migrate" button, hoping your carefully crafted SQL doesn't turn your company's data into digital confetti. The stakes? Just your entire job and possibly the business itself. No pressure!