Zero Days Without A New JS Framework

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The existential crisis of JavaScript in two panels. Top: sad face, "Nobody understands me." Bottom: sudden realization, "Maybe I'm JavaScript." JavaScript: the only language where [] == ![] is true, typeof NaN is "number", and adding arrays gives you strings. No wonder therapists refuse to take JS as a client – its issues are beyond professional help.

Content I rProgrammerHumor JavaScript Teacher javascriptual When I worked at Google I saw this code: if (user.cookies.agreed) CollectData(user) else CollectData(user) 9:28 am 27 Jan 21 Twitter Web App 59 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 201 Likes

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

The greatest heist in tech history nets you... $49.99. That's the reality of supply chain attacks. You hack into an NPM package with billions of downloads, gain access to millions of dev machines, and what do you get? Enough for a mediocre dinner and maybe parking. The real kicker? Those NPM maintainers aren't even making that much themselves. The entire JavaScript ecosystem runs on unpaid labor, prayers, and the occasional GitHub sponsor who feels generous after their third coffee. Thank god most hackers are as underpaid as the rest of us, or we'd all be doomed.

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