I Am Hoarding Domains

The only thing worse than being shot at? Someone pitching their "revolutionary app idea" with zero budget and expecting you to build it for exposure and a mythical share of future profits. That moment when you'd rather face armed soldiers than another person who thinks their "Uber but for dog walkers" concept is worth billions, yet they can't afford to pay you actual money. The best part? They always say "it's simple" right before describing something that would require a team of 20 engineers and six months of development. But hey, they're "idea people" - the hard part is already done!

Ah, the classic marketing vs. reality divide. Developers know that what they built is just a simple counter algorithm that goes from 1 to 10, but marketing swoops in and suddenly it's "AI POWERED™" with a trademark symbol because god forbid we call things what they actually are. After 20 years in this industry, I've seen "revolutionary AI" that was just a bunch of if-statements wrapped in a fancy UI. The trademark symbol is the chef's kiss of bullshit – nothing says "we're pretending this is special" quite like a completely unnecessary ™.

512GB of RAM?! The absolute AUDACITY of Apple to think I wouldn't immediately fill that with 2,457 Chrome tabs of Stack Overflow solutions I'll "read later." That Mac Studio isn't a computer—it's an enabler for my browser tab hoarding addiction! Web developers see all that memory and literally start salivating like it's beachfront property they just inherited. "Finally, I can run my React app, Slack, AND keep my 'JavaScript Promises Explained' tab open without my computer bursting into flames!" 🔥

So they want a "Vibe Coder" who "orchestrates code through the power of AI" and "vibes their way to a brilliant front end product." Translation: We want someone to type prompts into ChatGPT while we pretend we're revolutionizing development. This job description screams "we have no idea what we're doing but we've invested too much in AI to admit it." Soon they'll replace "Senior Developer" with "Prompt Engineering Guru" and wonder why their codebase looks like it was written by a caffeinated squirrel with a keyboard. The funniest part? 42 people actually applied. Desperation truly knows no bounds in this economy.

Ah, the classic "I'll just wing it without version control" tragedy. Four months of work obliterated by a cursor mishap because someone thought Git was just a British insult. This poor soul is basically asking "how do I lock the barn door?" after the horse has not only escaped but taken the entire barn with it. The irony of asking about backups after losing everything is the silent scream every tech lead hears in their nightmares. Pro tip: If your "backup strategy" is crossing your fingers and whispering "please don't break" to your computer, you might want to reconsider your life choices. Or at least install Git.

That thousand-yard stare when you've just spent hours debugging someone's ChatGPT-generated WordPress PHP abomination. The code technically "works" but violates every coding standard known to mankind. You've fixed it, but at what cost? Your soul? Your sanity? Both? This is the face of a developer who just discovered 17 nested if statements and a function named "do_the_thing_please_work()" with 300 lines of uncommented spaghetti code. The war flashbacks are real.