Cookies Be Like

When someone assumes your 4 years of programming means you're an expert, but in reality you've just been googling Stack Overflow answers and praying your code works. *nervous cat noises* That awkward silence when you realize most of your "knowledge" is just knowing which error messages mean "you're totally screwed" versus "just restart your IDE." Four years in and still feeling like an imposter who accidentally fooled everyone into thinking you know what you're doing!

Some tech talks make you question reality itself. This guy's up there presenting "Building Mobile Apps With PHP" with the confidence of someone who's never encountered a modern framework. It's like watching someone enthusiastically explain how to commute to work on a horse and buggy in 2023. Every mobile developer in that audience is either having an existential crisis or frantically checking if they accidentally time-traveled back to 2009. The speaker probably follows this up with "And for optimal performance, we'll deploy to Blackberry first!"

In the software development realm, there's a clear hierarchy of suffering, and PHP sits firmly at the bottom. Nobody wants to touch PHP with a ten-foot keyboard until... dramatic lightning someone actually needs it. The comic perfectly captures that moment when developers would rather sit alone in existential despair than volunteer for general programming tasks, but suddenly spring to attention when PHP is mentioned—not out of enthusiasm, but with the maniacal energy of someone who knows they're about to witness a train wreck and can't look away. It's like finding out your friend needs help moving, and you're suddenly very busy—until they mention their new place has a hot tub. Except the hot tub is full of legacy code and deprecated functions.

The secret anti-aging formula they don't want you to know about: stop programming. Nothing ages you faster than debugging someone else's spaghetti code at 3 AM while chugging your fifth energy drink. The before picture shows a young developer (26.420% sure its Musk) in 1999, already showing signs of premature aging from all those PayPal all-nighters. Fast forward to 2020, and the man (99.6969% sure its Musk) has clearly delegated all coding tasks to junior devs. That's the real 10x developer move - not writing code, but avoiding it entirely.

Remember when search engines actually searched instead of showing you 47 ads, 12 shopping suggestions, and 3 AI-generated blog posts before your actual results? The irony of "technological improvements" is that they've optimized for everything except what users want. Modern search algorithms have reached peak efficiency—at selling you stuff you didn't ask for. It's like asking your GPS for directions and getting a 2-minute unskippable lecture about nearby restaurants before it tells you to turn right. The "Don't Be Evil" mantra aged about as well as Internet Explorer 6 running on Windows ME.

Frontend devs rejecting Tailwind's utility-first approach only to embrace the chaos of a 10,000-line CSS file that not even its creator understands anymore. Nothing says "I'm a serious developer" like spending three hours hunting down which selector is overriding your button styles. The irony? They'll still complain about "div soup" while their stylesheet resembles the complete works of Shakespeare – if Shakespeare had a nervous breakdown and typed with his elbows.