Cookies Be Like

The ancient developer ritual: boss announces a new app, teammates immediately suggest AI tools, and the one guy who remembers what programming is gets defenestrated for his troubles. Apparently suggesting actual coding is now a capital offense in tech meetings. What's next, suggesting we read documentation?

Someone needs to tell Elon about the exponential growth of node_modules folders. While AI might be growing fast, any JavaScript developer knows the true speed champion is watching your disk space vanish as soon as you run npm install . That 5MB project somehow needs 500MB of dependencies, and God help you if you're on a slow internet connection. The real technological singularity isn't AI - it's when a single node_modules folder finally consumes all available storage on Earth.

The prison hierarchy just got disrupted by a frontend developer. While one inmate brags about murder, our CSS criminal quietly admits to writing <div class="right">Fat unibrow guy</div> – a crime so horrific it sends the murderer cowering in the corner. When you use meaningless class names and non-semantic HTML, you're not just hurting yourself... you're terrorizing every developer who inherits your code. The real prison was the codebase all along.

The perfect fusion of React hooks and nuclear physics! The top panel shows our cool developer initializing a state with useState(0) - calm, collected, sunglasses on. But the bottom panel reveals what happens next: useEffect incrementing that counter and BOOM - nuclear chain reaction begins! Just like in a reactor, one small state change triggers an endless loop of updates, causing your app to melt down faster than Chernobyl. This is why senior devs sweat profusely when junior devs forget dependency arrays. Pure computational fission!

The infinite recursion of avoiding actual work. Programmers spend 90% of their time talking about programming, 9% making memes about programming, and 1% reluctantly writing code when the deadline is breathing down their neck. The smaller the code box gets, the more accurate the representation of our productivity becomes. But hey, at least we're consistent in our procrastination.

SQL proposal! This dev announced his engagement with a perfect database query. SELECT * FROM couples WHERE engaged_date='2024-06-14' AND she_said_yes = TRUE; is basically saying "we're officially in production now." Forget boring Instagram captions—this is peak tech romance. The query even has proper date formatting and boolean logic! Somewhere a database admin is wiping away a tear while muttering "proper syntax... beautiful."