Job Security

Nothing says "I make questionable life choices" quite like tattooing regex on your body. That's a pattern for matching email addresses, permanently etched into skin that will age far better than the validation logic. Hope you never need to update your dependencies.

Content I Am Devloper iamdevloper 39m Dec. 27, 2017 10:23:50 AM V shoutout to all the devops people currently on their parent's wift trying to fix a database issue in production via Twitter Web Client 11 341 Retweets 953 Likes

Nothing quite captures that special brand of self-inflicted misery like spending two hours hunting for a bug that doesn't exist. There you are, frantically combing through every line of code, questioning your life choices, only to discover you've been running the unedited build the entire time. Your changes? Never compiled. Your fixes? Never applied. Your sanity? Completely optional. It's like trying to fix a car while looking at a photograph of the engine.

Content Compiler error ; missing on line 32 There is no line 32 Panik Kalm Panik

The ancient art of bug containment! Instead of actually fixing the issue, our heroic senior dev is just casting a magical seal around it. Why solve a problem when you can just wrap it in seven layers of abstraction and pretend it's a "feature"? This is basically legacy code maintenance in its purest form. That bug's been there since Java 1.4 and nobody dares touch it because the entire payment processing system mysteriously depends on it. The commit message probably reads: "// TODO: Fix this properly before 2034" — spoiler alert: nobody will. Future generations of developers will tell tales of the forbidden code zone where dragons dwell and Stack Overflow has no answers.

Content IDEs Unused variables