Vibe Coding Won't Replace Me

The classic startup founder strategy: drop buzzwords like "AI" and "ML" while looking suspiciously like a baby in a tuxedo threatening investors. Nothing says "I'm totally qualified to run a tech company" like combining artificial intelligence jargon with mild extortion! The tiny suit really sells the "I've definitely completed multiple successful exits" vibe. VC funding secured in 3... 2... 1...

AI has finally solved the greatest mystery in corporate history: what actually happens in meetings. Turns out it's just "disjointed, rambling conversation" with "no clear purpose or agenda." Revolutionary discovery! Next up: AI discovers water is wet. The best part? We spent an hour discussing "unclear technical concepts" only to have a robot tell us we accomplished absolutely nothing. At least now we have timestamps to prove exactly how long we wasted our lives. Remember when we used to pretend meetings were productive? Now Slack AI is calling us out with receipts. Progress!

The existential dread of leaving your IDE unattended for 5 minutes only to return and find your machine compiling Skynet. That moment when npm install decides to rebuild the entire dependency tree because you accidentally typed "y" while half asleep. Your computer's gone from "Hello World" to "Hello New World Order" real quick. The scariest part? You don't even have admin privileges in this new relationship.

The tech world's most awkward corporate romance is playing out right before our eyes. Microsoft dumps billions into OpenAI, then OpenAI tries to replace their board, then Microsoft swoops in to "save" them... and now they're stuck in this uncomfortable forced partnership where neither can really leave. It's like watching your parents try to stay together "for the kids" (the kids being ChatGPT and Copilot). The uncomfortable couch scene perfectly captures that "we're financially entangled but trust issues are through the roof" vibe.

Management just discovered AI agents exist and now they think every developer should be orchestrating a swarm of them for maximum productivity. Meanwhile, you're sitting there knowing full well that these "agents" are just glorified autocomplete with delusions of grandeur. The reality? Most AI coding agents hallucinate more than a sleep-deprived junior dev on their third energy drink. They confidently generate code that looks right, sounds right, but is fundamentally broken in ways that'll take you twice as long to debug than if you'd just written it yourself. But sure, let's all pretend we're using them while we actually just write the code the old-fashioned way and nod along in the standup. Classic disconnect between what management reads in their LinkedIn feed and what actually works in production.

Ah, the classic blame game in tech. Production environment is in flames (literally, a broken Goku figure), while AI gets all the media attention (the cat just chillin'), and the Senior Engineer gets pointed at to fix everything. Six years of experience and I'm still the janitor cleaning up after "it worked on my machine" disasters. Meanwhile, management's already planning the next feature while I'm knee-deep in production logs at 2 AM. The circle of tech life continues.