Vibecoding Is The Future

That sacred pre-vacation ritual where you desperately pray to the server gods that nothing explodes while you're gone. Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like frantically patting server racks and whispering "please don't die" to infrastructure that's held together by duct tape and Stack Overflow answers. The true holiday miracle is making it to January without getting that 3 AM call about the production database deciding to spontaneously combust while you're trying to enjoy your eggnog.

That intense staredown when you realize the security "expert" who banned special characters from passwords is the same person preaching about password strength. Nothing says "secure" like forcing users to use Password123 instead of P@$$w0rd! The worst part? They'll still have the audacity to blame you when there's a breach. "Should've used a stronger password!" Yeah, with what characters exactly? The five you allowed?

Ah yes, the classic "I just discovered databases 101 and now I'm a cybersecurity expert" moment. Nothing says "world's best programmer" like not understanding that primary keys exist. Next up: shocking revelation that arrays start at 0, not 1! The real fraud here is claiming to understand database architecture after what was clearly a five-minute Google search. If only Stack Overflow had a "close as billionaire misconception" option.

The cybersecurity version of tech support's favorite question! While normal IT folks ask if you've tried turning it off and on again, security professionals have to redact that advice because... well, turning things off might actually be a valid security measure. Nothing fixes vulnerabilities quite like complete isolation from the network! The guy's RTFM shirt is just the cherry on top – because in security, nobody ever reads the manual until after the breach has happened. Classic "I told you so" fashion.

The entire financial world runs on COBOL code written when dinosaurs roamed the earth. New programmers see this ancient language and want it burned at the stake, but banks cling to it like Gollum with the precious ring. Why rewrite millions of lines of working code when you can just pay COBOL developers obscene amounts of money instead? The banking industry's motto: "If it's broken enough to work for 60 years, don't fix it."

The real crime scene here is declaring a variable that can be both boolean AND null. This is the kind of code that keeps security professionals awake at night. Some developer thought "hey, why use proper authentication when I can create this beautiful three-state monstrosity?" Triple equals won't save you from the existential crisis this code will cause during code review. This is the programming equivalent of leaving your front door unlocked but also maybe removing it entirely.