The Real Software Engineering Certification

The cybersecurity version of tech support's favorite question! While normal IT folks ask if you've tried turning it off and on again, security professionals have to redact that advice because... well, turning things off might actually be a valid security measure. Nothing fixes vulnerabilities quite like complete isolation from the network! The guy's RTFM shirt is just the cherry on top – because in security, nobody ever reads the manual until after the breach has happened. Classic "I told you so" fashion.

The ultimate CAPTCHA troll for developers! This fake "Select all animals that lay eggs" challenge is pure evil because technically dinosaurs evolved into birds, so ALL these images should be selected. It's the perfect security trap - select none and you're wrong, select all and the system probably expects you to pick zero because they're "dinosaurs." The subtle genius is that it forces you to choose between biological accuracy and what the algorithm wants. Classic computer-human miscommunication that makes you question your entire CS degree.

Privacy in tech is like that friend who says they'll keep your secret but immediately posts it on Facebook. Safari claims to be the privacy champion, then casually sets Google—the data vacuum of the internet—as the default search engine. It's like installing a security door with a neon sign pointing to the spare key under the mat. The shocked cat perfectly captures that moment when you realize your "private" browsing history is being monetized faster than you can say "targeted advertising."

Nothing says "national security" like pushing straight to production. The Department of Defense apparently skipped the staging environment and decided to test their website updates right where everyone can see them. That random string of "asfasfasdfasf" at the bottom is the digital equivalent of a nuclear launch code that reads "12345." And they've dated it December 2024 - either someone's testing time travel or they've got the most aggressive sprint planning I've ever seen. Next time your PM complains about your code, just remind them that even people with actual missiles are out here keyboard-mashing in production.

Watching security teams cheer on script kiddies is the tech equivalent of playing with your food. These devs set up a fake database honeypot and are gleefully watching some poor soul try every SQL injection trick in the book. The would-be hacker is throwing everything at it - from basic quotes to that classic DROP DATABASE command - while the team's practically popping popcorn watching the logs. It's like setting up an elaborate mouse trap and then rooting for the mouse. "Almost got the DB name!" Yeah, and I'm almost a millionaire every payday.

Ah, the rare sighting of computers in their natural aquatic environment! What we're witnessing here is a classic case of hardware returning to the wild. These vintage machines aren't just taking a swim—they're phishing , the pun being the perfect blend of "fishing" and "phishing" (those malicious attempts to steal your credentials that flood your inbox daily). Those old beige boxes have finally escaped the corporate cubicles where they spent decades processing TPS reports, only to end up in this swampy retirement home. Honestly, still better working conditions than most IT departments I've seen. Nature is healing. The computers are returning to the water. Next time your IT guy says "have you tried turning it off and on again," just throw it in the nearest pond instead.