The Tiny Rust Revolution

Congratulations! You've found the only relationship where emotional abuse is actually a feature, not a bug. The Rust compiler treats you like garbage, tells you everything is your fault, and makes you feel utterly inadequate—but unlike your ex, it's deliberately doing this to make you a better person. That error message showing you exactly where you messed up? That's not passive-aggressive—that's just aggressive-aggressive. And that warm fuzzy feeling when your code finally compiles? It's Stockholm syndrome with benefits. At least the compiler is consistent and actually helps you grow, unlike certain humans who can't be tamed even with unsafe{} blocks. Honestly, it's the healthiest toxic relationship you'll ever have.

Nobody cares what language your backend is written in. They only care if it's fast. Yet every Rust developer seems physically incapable of describing their code without using the phrase "blazingly fast" at least 47 times per conversation. The cult-like obsession with Rust's performance is matched only by the collective eye-rolling of everyone forced to listen to another sermon about zero-cost abstractions and memory safety.

OMG, the Rust evangelism strike force is at it AGAIN! 🦀 Look at these poor C/C++ developers being accosted by yet another Rust zealot preaching about memory safety like it's the second coming! The absolute DRAMA of it all! The Rust fanatic is literally HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN with a school bus to convert them! And that final panel? The resignation of developers who know they're about to endure a 45-minute lecture on why their favorite language is basically committing war crimes against computers. I'm DYING! 💀

Someone created "cargo-mommy," a Rust package that turns your compiler into a dom/sub relationship simulator. Instead of normal error messages, it scolds you with phrases like "mommy knows her little girl can do better" when your code fails to compile. It even integrates with "cargo-vibe" for hardware feedback (yes, actual vibrators) when your code compiles successfully. The package is fully customizable - you can switch between "mommy," "daddy," change pronouns, pet names, and even select what... anatomical features you want referenced. The real kicker? The creator simultaneously loves and hates that this exists, yet installed it immediately. Because nothing says "professional software engineering" like your compiler calling you a good little toy while vibrating your desk.

Let's face it—no matter which programming language is your "baby," you're still a card-carrying member of Nerdville. Population: you and everyone else reading this. The only exception? MATLAB users who get the prestigious title of "engineer AND nerd." That extra badge doesn't make your code run any faster though, just means you paid more for your license. And poor FORTRAN devs are just "old and nerd"—like that vintage Star Wars t-shirt you refuse to throw away despite the holes. Still compiling on that machine from 1995, aren't you?

The most honest programming language flowchart in existence. Doesn't matter if you want money, have friends, like snakes, use Windows, or question your humanity—the answer is always Rust. It's like that friend who recommends the same restaurant regardless of what cuisine you're in the mood for. The Rust evangelism task force strikes again! What's hilarious is how the flowchart pretends to offer choices while leading you down a predetermined path. Classic bait-and-switch, just like when management asks for your "input" on the tech stack for the new project.