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Ah, functional programming's miracle drug! FUNCTIONEX (with its fancy lambda symbol) promises to cure your codebase of those nasty impurities. Just 45mg of pure functions and your spaghetti code will transform into a mathematical paradise!
But watch out for those side effects! While your category theorist prescribed this to keep your functions pure, you might experience unexpected symptoms like actually having to write to files or databases. The horror!
Functional purists are currently filing a class action lawsuit because nobody warned them they'd still need to interact with the real world occasionally.
