File io Memes

This code is the programming equivalent of filling a bathtub one teaspoon at a time while expanding the bathtub after each spoon. 😱 Instead of reading the file in chunks or pre-allocating memory, this monster allocates exactly ONE byte, reads ONE character, reallocates the ENTIRE array, and repeats for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. The malloc/realloc combo is basically begging the memory manager to have a nervous breakdown. The performance would be so catastrophically bad that you could probably go make a sandwich between reading "Hello" and "World". It's like watching someone solve a maze by rebuilding the entire universe after each step.

Ah, functional programming's miracle drug! FUNCTIONEX (with its fancy lambda symbol) promises to cure your codebase of those nasty impurities. Just 45mg of pure functions and your spaghetti code will transform into a mathematical paradise! But watch out for those side effects! While your category theorist prescribed this to keep your functions pure, you might experience unexpected symptoms like actually having to write to files or databases. The horror! Functional purists are currently filing a class action lawsuit because nobody warned them they'd still need to interact with the real world occasionally.