The Language Bashing Greatest Hits Tour

Content Marko 4 Denic denicmarko STOP making fun of different programming languages C is FAST Java is POPULAR Ruby is COOL Python is BEAUTIFUL PHP JavaScript is AWESOME Haskell is INTRIGUING 17:12 07 May 20 Twitter Web App

Nothing says "we have no idea what we actually need" quite like a job posting that requires 4 years of experience with React 16+ when React 16 came out like 6 years ago. But sure, let me just pull out my time machine and get 5 years of experience with every technology that's existed for 3 years. They want a full-stack unicorn who's mastered Java EE, Spring, Angular, React, PHP, PostgreSQL, MySQL, Docker, AWS, and apparently has been using Git for 5 years like it's some kind of specialized skill. Brother, I've been using Git for 10 years and I still Google how to undo a commit. The real kicker? They probably want to pay you $75k for this "junior developer" position that requires the combined experience of an entire dev team. HR just copy-pasted every buzzword from the last decade into one listing and called it a day.

The ultimate parental disappointment: when your code-loving parent is desperately trying to coax you into saying "Python" but you blurt out "PHP!" instead. Straight to the orphanage you go! It's like naming your favorite dinosaur "JavaScript" at the family dinner table – instant disownment. The programming language hierarchy is brutal, and apparently, so is programmer parenting.

Content B 113 1, 205 103 153, 185 5. 131-132, 254 254 233 91, 232 54, 244 154 18, 153, 244 and-line 6, 158 INDEX ptraifft type name 103, 147, 206 push function 77 269 pushback, input 78 pute library function 161, 247 pute macro 176 putchar library function 15, 152, 161, 247 puts library function 164, 247 qsort function 87, 110, 120 qsort library function 253 Quicker, '315. 218, 211. quote character. 19, 37-38, 193 quote character, " 8, 20, 38, 194 r carriage return character 38, 193 raise library function 255 rand function 46 rand library function 252 RANDMAX 252 read system call 170 readdir function 184 readlines function 109 rawline library function 252 recursion 86, 139, 141, 182, 202, 269 recursive -descent parser 123 redirection see inputoutput redirection register, address of 210 register storage class specifier 83, 210 relational expression, numeric value of 42, 44 relational operators 16, 41, 206 removal of definition see undef remove library function 242 rename library function 242 reservation of storage 210 reserved words 36, 192 return from main 26, 164 return statement 25, 30, 70, 73, 225 return, type conversion by 73, 225 reverse function 62 reverse Polish notation 74 library function 248 206

Developer: "I hate PHP! Get that thing out of my face!" *Discovers Laravel framework* *Aggressively chomps Laravel* *Suddenly sees dollar signs floating around* It's the classic developer journey from "PHP is trash" to "actually I can make money with this" pipeline. The framework makes the language palatable enough to swallow your pride along with it. The bird isn't evolving its opinions—just its billing rate.

Five identical orange cats labeled as different programming languages surrounding a loaf of bread labeled "HTML". Because let's face it, HTML isn't a real programming language - it's just bread. Delicious, structurally important bread that holds everything together, but still... just bread. Meanwhile, all the "real" programming languages are basically the same cat in different moods. Sure, they'll hiss and scratch at each other about which one is superior, but deep down they're all just orange cats doing cat things with slightly different attitudes.