People Still Use PHP

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When Kim Kardashian is giving better security advice than your entire dev team's Slack channel. She's out here treating PHP vulnerabilities like a skincare routine—manageable with the right maintenance. Meanwhile, your production server is running PHP 5.6 and hasn't seen a patch since 2014. The "every system has its own personality" line is actually kind of profound though. It's the developer equivalent of "love yourself"—except instead of self-care, it's about remembering to update your dependencies before someone drops a zero-day on your head. Honestly, if Kim can understand proactive security measures, there's no excuse for that one dev who keeps saying "it works on my machine" while ignoring every CVE notification.

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PHP doing stand-up comedy and having to explain the punchline because nobody laughed. Pretty much sums up PHP's entire existence in 2024. It's like that language that keeps showing up to the party even though everyone's moved on to TypeScript and Rust. Sure, it powers like 80% of the web thanks to WordPress, but does it get any respect? Nope. Just awkward silence and then "that's the joke" energy. The comedian explaining their own joke is the ultimate death of comedy, and PHP has been living in that moment for about a decade now.

Content Your friend wants to learn to program. What language do you recommend? A. JavaScript B. Java (includes Kotlin) C. Ruby D. Python E. C F. Go G. CC H. Swift 1. PHP 9:48 pm 12 Oct 20 Twitter for iPhone 3 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 53 Likes 17 thepoosh lepoosh 13h Replying to donnfelker the question is always "what do you want to do with it?" if it's apps, SwiftJava if it's websites (front and back) javascript if it's data science probably python if it's government C if I hate him PHP