Hiring Memes

Ah, the modern tech job posting—where companies want a single developer with the skills of seventeen specialists working for the price of one junior. The guy nails it perfectly. When recruiters list every technology under the sun—from three programming languages to multiple frameworks, databases, cloud services, DevOps tools, and system administration—they're basically asking for a unicorn who can replace their entire engineering team. After 15 years in the industry, I've seen job descriptions evolve from "Java developer" to "technical demigod who can single-handedly build, deploy, and maintain the entire digital infrastructure of a Fortune 500 company while also making coffee." And the best part? They'll still call it "entry-level" and offer you exposure instead of a proper salary.

The tech industry's favorite paradox: entry-level positions requiring time travel abilities. That cat's face is all of us reading job listings that say "Junior" but demand years of experience. It's like asking someone to be a virgin with sexual experience. The hiring manager probably also wants 5 years of experience in a framework that's only existed for 2 years. Welcome to the job market, where logic goes to die!

Ah, the classic bait and switch of tech hiring. You show up to the interview in your fancy suit (Tom from Tom & Jerry), answering questions about red-black trees and time complexity while sweating through your bow tie. Then six months later, you're in the trenches (buff Jerry), sleep-deprived, debugging legacy code written by someone who clearly hated humanity, chugging coffee at 2 AM because production is down and somehow it's your fault. The algorithm questions? Haven't used that knowledge once. But hey, at least you can tell your friends you're a "software engineer" while you're actually just Stack Overflow's most loyal customer.

Ah yes, the classic tech interview credential paradox, perfectly captured by "Former Child" as the only qualification. Nothing says "I can reverse a binary tree" quite like bragging that you've successfully completed the tutorial level of human existence. Tech companies want 5 years of experience in a framework that's 3 years old, but hey—I've been breathing for 25 years straight without a single outage! That's 99.9999% uptime, baby. Resume padding has never been so honest.