The Infinite Loop Of Technical Interviews

This is the programming equivalent of asking for McDonald's and your mom saying "we have food at home" — except the food at home is MATLAB. If you've ever had the misfortune of using MATLAB, you know it's that weird cousin of programming languages that engineers and academics love but actual software developers avoid like a production bug on Friday afternoon. It's powerful for math and matrices (hence the name), but coding in it feels like trying to build a website using only a scientific calculator. The $2000+ license fee is just the cherry on top of this engineering department nightmare.

Nothing beats the raw, unfiltered knowledge from that one Indian guy on YouTube teaching complex algorithms on a 240p video with a $2 microphone. Meanwhile, senior devs with fancy degrees are watching the same video because Stack Overflow is down and the documentation might as well be written in hieroglyphics. The best part? That "beginner" tutorial somehow solves problems the official docs claim are "impossible." The programming hierarchy isn't about years of experience—it's about who can find that one perfect tutorial at 3 AM when everything's on fire.

The eternal dance between programmer and compiler continues. Programmer sheepishly admits "I think I forgot something," only for the compiler to smugly respond "If you forgot, then it wasn't important." Cut to the programmer's face of pure existential dread as they realize they've just agreed to omit an exit statement in a recursive function. That's like forgetting to pack a parachute before skydiving – technically you only need it for the last five seconds of the trip, but those seconds are rather critical . And now your program's memory is expanding faster than the universe during inflation.

The bell curve of developer self-awareness strikes again. On the far left, we have blissfully mediocre developers who know they're mediocre and have made peace with it. In the middle, the anxious majority frantically collecting skills like Pokémon cards because some LinkedIn influencer told them to. And on the far right, the enlightened souls who've mastered enough to realize that "mediocre" is just corporate-speak for "has a life outside of Stack Overflow." The true galaxy brain move is accepting your mediocrity while still getting paid the same as the try-hards.

That moment when your elegant university CS theories get absolutely demolished by industry reality. The top shows a pristine school bus (your theoretical knowledge) calmly sitting on tracks, while the bottom shows that same bus getting obliterated by the freight train of real-world development. Seven years into my career and I'm still waiting to implement that perfect red-black tree I spent weeks studying. Meanwhile, I'm knee-deep in legacy code written by someone who clearly thought variable naming was optional and comments were for the weak.

The ultimate conspiracy theory has been revealed—programming is just a massive hoax! According to this groundbreaking exposé, we've all been duped. Computers were meant to solve math, not be programmed. C is clearly just a letter in the alphabet that got way too full of itself. And if you need to print something? Grab a pen like a normal human being! My favorite part is the claim that optimizing CPU usage with recursive threaded methods is "nonsensical" and "deranged." Well, excuse me for trying to make my code run 0.02% faster while consuming only 99.8% of available RAM! And the evidence is damning: colored text in terminals, compilation errors, and a teapot you can't even drink from. Clearly, if programming were real, someone would have figured out how to make while(true){print(money);} work by now. Checkmate, developers.