Slapping On A .Expect Is Also Error Handling!

OMG, the Rust evangelism strike force is at it AGAIN! 🦀 Look at these poor C/C++ developers being accosted by yet another Rust zealot preaching about memory safety like it's the second coming! The absolute DRAMA of it all! The Rust fanatic is literally HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN with a school bus to convert them! And that final panel? The resignation of developers who know they're about to endure a 45-minute lecture on why their favorite language is basically committing war crimes against computers. I'm DYING! 💀

Nobody cares what language your backend is written in. They only care if it's fast. Yet every Rust developer seems physically incapable of describing their code without using the phrase "blazingly fast" at least 47 times per conversation. The cult-like obsession with Rust's performance is matched only by the collective eye-rolling of everyone forced to listen to another sermon about zero-cost abstractions and memory safety.

Oh. My. God. The DESCENT into tech purity madness has never been so PERFECTLY captured! 💅 First, you're just an innocent Windows user. Then SUDDENLY you're putting on foundation and diving into Ubuntu because "Windows is bloat" (how dare it have a GUI that works, right?!). But honey, that's just the GATEWAY drug! Before you know it, you're applying full clown makeup and screaming about how even UBUNTU is too mainstream as you frantically install Arch like it's some kind of personality trait! The FINAL transformation? Full rainbow wig, declaring that EVERYTHING is garbage except your precious Rust, which you'll use to rewrite the calculator app that worked perfectly fine before you spent 6 months "optimizing" it. 🤡 The tech elitism to clown pipeline is REAL, people!

JavaScript gets all the love while C, Java, Rust, and others gang up on poor PHP. Then in the shadows, we find the true outcasts: another PHP developer and the mythical Monkey C programmer, sweating nervously because nobody even remembers they exist. The programming language hierarchy in one comic! JavaScript strutting around like it owns the web (it kinda does), while PHP gets bullied despite powering like 80% of the internet. And Monkey C? That's the language you put on your resume when you're hoping the interviewer is too embarrassed to admit they've never heard of it.

When someone suggests that programming language choice doesn't matter because "architecture and business" are what really count, they're technically correct but also completely missing the point. Sure, your microservices architecture matters. Sure, meeting business requirements is crucial. But tell that to the developer who just discovered pattern matching and now sees nested if-else statements as a personal attack. The bell curve meme captures this perfectly: the beginners obsess over languages because they don't know better yet. The "enlightened" midwits preach language-agnostic wisdom while secretly still writing Java. And the actual experts? They've tasted the forbidden fruit of modern language features and would rather quit than go back to languages that make them write boilerplate like it's 1999. Pattern matching, exhaustive type checking, algebraic data types—once you've had them, you realize some languages really are just objectively better for your sanity. Architecture matters, sure. But so does not wanting to throw your keyboard through a window every day.

In this parallel universe, everything's just slightly... off. VScode has gone green, React's lost its atom, Rust is having an identity crisis with those dollar signs, PHP actually looks cool, GitHub's fox is on fire, Ubuntu's gone minimal, JavaScript is... well, still JavaScript (some constants across all universes), and that blue creature is what happens when you let Go's mascot hang out with npm for too long. It's like someone described our tech stack to an AI from 2010 and said "just wing it." The multiverse of tech madness where your pull requests would probably create black holes.