Node Modules: The Real MVPs Of Your Application

Content Computer programming Kat Maddox ctrishifti me: why isn't this working? normal languages: you screwed up over here me: oh thanks me: why isn't this working? javascript: me: please i'm begging you javascript:

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Ah yes, the classic "let's ditch the framework" presentation that conveniently forgets to mention they also fired half their users. Sure, your TTI improved by 50% when nobody's using your app anymore! Next slide: "By replacing our database with a text file, we saw a 99% reduction in storage costs!" The JavaScript pendulum swings once again—React is bloated! Vanilla JS is king! Until next quarter when they'll discover this amazing new framework called *checks notes* Angular.

Content me working in backend I completed the entire backend in Just one day me working in frontend how the fck can align this button at center?

The AUDACITY! Imagine being a junior dev who dares to use autocomplete for a simple console.log() statement while your principal engineer stares at you with the judgment of a thousand code reviews! That disapproving superhero glare screams "In MY day, we typed every character BY HAND, uphill both ways, in a blizzard of syntax errors!" Meanwhile you're just trying to save precious milliseconds of your life that you'll never get back. The sheer DRAMA of being silently judged for efficiency! Heaven forbid we use the tools built into our IDEs!

Look at this masterpiece of minimalist rendering. When your client says "I want a clock but I don't want to pay for the hands or numbers" and you deliver exactly what they asked for. The classic "works on my machine" meets "technically meets requirements." Somewhere, a product manager is furiously writing a more detailed spec while a developer is arguing that this is clearly a feature, not a bug. Time is just a social construct anyway.