I Feel Betrayed

Oh, the absolute TREACHERY! You open up Java thinking you're getting some sweet functional programming goodness with lambdas and streams, but SURPRISE—it's still drowning in classes, objects, and inheritance hierarchies like it's 1995. That shocked cat face? That's every developer who thought they could escape OOP hell only to realize that Java's "functional" features are basically just fancy decorations on a very object-oriented cake. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still gonna oink in Java bytecode, baby.