Object-oriented Memes

Posts tagged with Object-oriented

The Floor Is Java

The Floor Is Java
Remember that childhood game where touching the floor meant instant death? Programmers play the adult version every day. Some climb furniture, others hang from ceiling fixtures, and a few just accept their fate and lie motionless on the couch. Anything to avoid writing another line of verbose, boilerplate Java code that takes 47 classes to print "Hello World." The JVM is coming for us all eventually.

Run Fast From The Java Explosion

Run Fast From The Java Explosion
Just committed the ultimate act of sabotage. Told my buddy to start with Java as their first language and now I'm flying away from the disaster zone like a happy little airplane. It's like handing someone a chainsaw when they asked for a butter knife. Sure, Java's powerful and employable, but watching a newbie wrestle with abstract factory pattern implementations before they understand what a variable is? *chef's kiss* Pure chaos. Could've suggested Python or JavaScript, but where's the fun in that? Some people just want to watch the world burn... or at least watch their friend's enthusiasm evaporate faster than RAM in a memory leak.

Pregnant Struct

Pregnant Struct
So this is how data structures reproduce in the wild. A mystruct gets embedded inside a pregnantstruct , complete with a bool yeah; confirmation. Congratulations, it's a nested object! The compiler will be sending cigars. Just wait until it inherits all those methods—they grow up so fast.

The Scariest Kind Of Programmers

The Scariest Kind Of Programmers
The programming paradigm hierarchy in its natural habitat. Object-oriented programmers confidently standing tall, data-oriented programmers clinging to them for support, and return-oriented programmers... well, they've fallen into the bucket and can't get out. Classic case of function returning to the wrong address space. That rabbit's not coming back with a value anytime soon.

Why Put A Tuxedo On Your Variables

Why Put A Tuxedo On Your Variables
The top panel shows Pooh looking unimpressed with a public variable. The middle panel shows Fancy Pooh absolutely delighted with the exact same variable made private but wrapped in getter and setter methods. The bottom panel captures that moment when you join a project and see this pattern everywhere but can't figure out why anyone would add all this boilerplate just to access a simple variable. It's like putting on a tuxedo to walk to your mailbox.

Mistype Failed Successfully

Mistype Failed Successfully
Behold the most elegant pickup line in programming history! Someone's trying to be clever with object-oriented syntax, but mixed up the order. In proper OOP, you'd call me.kiss(you) not kiss.me . The second person attempts to correct with me.kiss(you) , only to be met with "it's a programming joke" from someone who clearly didn't get their own joke right. The irony is delicious - nothing says "senior developer energy" like confidently correcting someone else's code while introducing a new bug of your own. Dating in tech is just debugging with extra steps.

Me Over-Engineering The Balls Off My Project

Me Over-Engineering The Balls Off My Project
The top panel shows the simple, elegant approach to coding that we all pretend to advocate for in design meetings: just instantiate a class and call a method. Clean. Direct. Sensible. But then there's what we actually do when no one's watching (bottom panel): create an unholy chain of factories, managers, services, observers, and other enterprise patterns that would make even the most dedicated architecture astronaut blush. It's the classic "I could write this in 3 lines, but my resume needs buzzwords" approach. We've all been there—turning a simple task into a dissertation-worthy implementation because "scalability" and "best practices," when really we just wanted to flex our design pattern muscles.

I Feel Like I Have Reached Nirvana

I Feel Like I Have Reached Nirvana
THE TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE! After years of Python developers screaming "everything is an object" while writing procedural spaghetti code, someone has FINALLY embraced the dark side! The Hulk isn't angry—he's ENLIGHTENED! Shedding tears of joy because he's discovered you can actually use Python as intended instead of writing 5,000-line scripts in a single file like a MONSTER. Next thing you know, he'll be implementing proper inheritance hierarchies and his muscles will grow even BIGGER from all that architectural responsibility!

Java Variable Names: The Enterprise Edition

Java Variable Names: The Enterprise Edition
The look of pure existential dread when you're forced to name your variables in Java. What started as a simple "client" spiraled into that monstrosity of a name because some architect decided every single responsibility needs to be in the variable name. This is what happens after 7 years of "clean code" seminars and too many design patterns. Meanwhile in Python land, they're just using "c" and moving on with their lives.

Open Source Baby

Open Source Baby
Ah, the classic "my baby is a Python program" approach to parenting! These parents clearly skipped the manual and went straight to GitHub for child-rearing instructions. The baby is literally instantiated as a class with genetic inheritance parameters, has an infinite loop for living (with mandatory sleep cycles), and comes pre-programmed with self-confidence. The yield Bardak() function is clearly what happens after feeding time. And that be_awesome() method with the comment "# Nothing to do.. already awesome" is basically how all developers see their own code before the code review. Bet this kid's first words will be "Syntax Error".

Damn My Professor Isn'T Very Gender Inclusive

Damn My Professor Isn'T Very Gender Inclusive
Ah yes, the classic binary gender implementation! When your professor thinks human identity is just a boolean value. 🤦‍♂️ In the real world: "What's your gender?" "Well, it's complicated..." In this database: "What's your gender?" "true." "Wait, what does that even mean?!" Somewhere a non-binary person is trying to hack the system with a NULL value and causing a database crash. Whoops!

Day 1 Of Becoming A Programming God

Day 1 Of Becoming A Programming God
Ah yes, the sacred first step to coding divinity - buying the Gang of Four book! Nothing says "I'm about to become a programming deity" like ordering the Design Patterns bible and having it arrive in a beat-up Amazon package. The journey of a thousand abstractions begins with a single Factory Pattern! Bonus points if you display it prominently on your desk for six months without actually reading past chapter 3. We've all been there... ascension to godhood pending...