The Real Reason I Avoid Go Lang

Imagine creating an entire programming language and then being asked to prove you know how to use it. The sheer audacity of HR making Ken Thompson—the literal father of C—take a C proficiency test is peak corporate bureaucracy. It's like asking Picasso to pass a coloring-within-the-lines test or making Einstein solve basic algebra before letting him work on relativity. "Sorry sir, company policy—everyone needs to demonstrate they can print 'Hello World' before accessing our codebase."

Standing up for snake_case in a room full of camelCase enthusiasts is the programming equivalent of this Norman Rockwell painting. The brave soul dares to speak the unspeakable truth that underscores are just... better. Python devs nodding silently in the back while JavaScript folks clutch their pearls. The naming convention war continues, and this hero's willing to die on that hill with perfect readability and no RunTogetherWords. The real question is: who invited the SCREAMING_SNAKE_CASE guy?

The perfect illustration of every Rust evangelist's nightmare - someone who's perfectly content with their "inferior" programming language. The gray NPC face getting increasingly angry at someone who dares to be satisfied with their current performance is peak programming tribalism. It's like telling a CrossFit enthusiast you're happy with your occasional jog around the block. The audacity! How DARE you be content when there's memory safety and blazing speed to be had?! Next thing you'll tell me is that you don't even care about zero-cost abstractions!

Ah, Golang's date formatting—the language where someone thought, "You know what developers need? More cognitive load!" Instead of using sensible formats like everyone else, Go decided that the reference date January 2, 2006 at 3:04:05 PM MST (01/02 03:04:05PM '06 -0700) would be their magic template. Want to format a date? Just remember which parts of this specific moment in time to use! It's like having to recite a magic incantation every time you need to print a simple timestamp. Seven years into using Go and I still have to Google this nonsense every single time.

Left guy: "NO, YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE ONE LOOP TYPE" Right guy: "FOR { BRRRR }" The perfect encapsulation of Go's minimalist philosophy! While other languages offer 50 different loop constructs with fancy syntax, Go just says "nah, one for loop is enough for everything." Need a while loop? It's a for loop. Need a do-while? Still a for loop. Need to iterate collections? Believe it or not, also a for loop. The blue gopher mascot doesn't care about your programming preferences—it's just happily BRRRing through code with its single loop construct, laughing at all the complexity other languages introduce. Peak language design efficiency or stubborn simplicity? You decide!

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute MELTDOWN happening here is what I live for! 💅 This poor soul is having an existential crisis because people keep saying "Golang" instead of just "Go" and I am LIVING for this level of rage! The tea is SCALDING hot: Go was named "Go" - short, sweet, impossible to Google. But nooooo, people had to start calling it "Golang" because otherwise you'd be searching for a VERB instead of a programming language. The AUDACITY! And now this person is threatening to rename everything! "Rustlang"! "TypeScriptyMcTypeFace.io"! The DRAMA! The THEATRICS! All because some developers can't stick to the official two-letter name that's basically unsearchable online! I'm framing this rant and hanging it on my wall. Peak developer frustration caught in the wild! *chef's kiss*