No Dependency Hell Though

The BRUTAL reality of programming languages summed up in four perfect panels! 💀 Go compiler: Gentle and nurturing like a mother cat, promising to "protect you until you're ready." SUCH LIES! It's just hiding all the memory management drama behind that cute face! Rust compiler: The clingy polar bear that "keeps you warm" by SUFFOCATING you with ownership rules and borrow checker errors. It's not warmth, it's INTERROGATION! Python interpreter: The bear that "carries you" while SECRETLY making everything run at the speed of a three-legged tortoise. Thanks for nothing! And then there's C++ compiler... just straight-up "fly, bitch" energy. No hand-holding, no safety nets, just pure chaos and segmentation faults waiting to destroy your will to live!

Finally, a political compass that makes sense! Instead of left vs. right, we've got "System Lang" vs "Toy Lang" - because nothing starts a flame war faster than calling someone's favorite language a "toy." And instead of authoritarian vs libertarian, we've got "Obsolete Lang" vs "Nu Lang" - where COBOL programmers are still making bank while the rest of us chase shiny new frameworks every six months. The placement is savage. Assembly and C sitting proudly in the "real systems" corner while Python and Ruby hang out in the "scripting for children" zone. And poor Brainfuck got exiled to the furthest corner possible - exactly where it belongs. This is basically a Rorschach test for developers. Whatever quadrant your favorite language is in tells everyone exactly what kind of programmer you are... and whether anyone wants to sit next to you at lunch.

Imagine creating an entire programming language and then being asked to prove you know how to use it. The sheer audacity of HR making Ken Thompson—the literal father of C—take a C proficiency test is peak corporate bureaucracy. It's like asking Picasso to pass a coloring-within-the-lines test or making Einstein solve basic algebra before letting him work on relativity. "Sorry sir, company policy—everyone needs to demonstrate they can print 'Hello World' before accessing our codebase."

Ah, the classic programmer identity crisis. Someone asked for the most useful programming languages for 2025 and got Swift, C++, Go, and JavaScript mixed in with French, Japanese, Arabic, and German. Guess the algorithm can't tell the difference between talking to computers and talking to humans. Probably trained on Stack Overflow comments where both are equally incomprehensible. At least they didn't recommend COBOL - that would've been a real sign of AI hallucination.

SWEET MOTHER OF CAREER SUICIDE! 😱 Searching for "go for ui" and DuckDuckGo has the AUDACITY to suggest "unemployment" as a related term?! The search engine isn't just returning results—it's predicting your ENTIRE FUTURE! Apparently learning UI in Go is the digital equivalent of writing your own professional obituary. The algorithm knows what happens to those brave souls who venture down this path—their LinkedIn profiles slowly fade into oblivion as they're consumed by bizarre component libraries no human should ever have to endure. The machine has SPOKEN, darling, and it's basically saying "abandon hope all ye who enter here!"

When everyone's like "Go is so simple!" and you're questioning your entire coding existence... Plot twist: it's not you, it's just Java developers fleeing their verbose nightmare! They're migrating faster than geese in winter. The grass is always greener where you don't need to type AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean just to print "hello world". 🏃‍♂️💨