It's Evolving, Just Backwards

Behold, the pinnacle of game development: storing your entire storyline in a global array and using hardcoded indices to track plot points. Because who needs databases or state machines when you can just check if storyline_array[367] == 1 to determine if you've already done something? The real masterpiece is using instance_destroy() as your universal solution. Lunch with Fern? Destroy the instance. Already completed a task? Destroy the instance. Relationship problems? You guessed it— instance_destroy() . Meanwhile, poor Rhode gets the "Do Nothing" treatment. Clearly the developer's favorite character won the popularity contest. This code is basically the digital equivalent of writing your novel's plot points on sticky notes, scattering them across the floor, and numbering them randomly.

The Grim Reaper of PC building has arrived, and it's wearing an RTX 5090 as a crown. This masterpiece of dark humor captures that special moment when your $2000 GPU transforms into a paperweight because you connected the power cables wrong. Nothing says "I'm financially ruined" quite like the smell of burnt silicon at 3 AM. The skeleton isn't just coming for your components—it's coming for your wallet too. Remember kids: always triple-check your PSU connections, or you'll be eating ramen for the next six months while explaining to your partner why that "investment" is now decorative.

Developers still clinging to their 1080 Ti graphics cards in 2025 while newer, similarly priced GPUs exist. That 7-year-old card sitting in your rig like royalty while you keep telling yourself "it still runs everything fine" despite struggling with modern games. The real flex isn't buying new hardware—it's squeezing eight years of performance from hardware you bought during Obama's presidency.

The perfect visual metaphor for gamedev codebases everywhere. Like the Cat in the Hat, your code is juggling fish, cake, books, and milk while somehow not collapsing into a heap of runtime errors. Nobody knows how it works. Nobody dares refactor it. One wrong move and that delightful game experience turns into a stack trace from hell. But hey, as long as the players are having fun, who cares if your inheritance hierarchy looks like a family tree from medieval royalty? Ship it now, clean it never. The first rule of technical debt club.

The indie game dev lifecycle in a nutshell: Five glorious years of success followed by eternal obscurity. Just like Herman Melville who went from celebrated author to "who?" faster than you can say "white whale." Your first game is Flappy Bird , your second is Flappy Bird: The Sequel Nobody Asked For . The Wikipedia timeline of your career will be equally savage—a brief moment of glory followed by the crushing section heading: "2023-2028: Unsuccessful developer who now works at Starbucks."

THE DUALITY OF DEVELOPERS IS SENDING ME! 💀 Left side: Game dev with MUSCLES FOR DAYS thinking they're God's gift to programming. "I'll just BUILD MY OWN ENGINE from scratch!" Meanwhile, they're probably still debugging collision detection three years later. Right side: Backend devs LITERALLY CRYING while Ruby on Rails crashes for the 47th time today. The tears! The drama! The existential crisis when your production server implodes because you dared to update a gem! And yet... we keep coming back for more punishment. It's like a toxic relationship with semicolons and brackets!