Well, that explains why my doctor keeps asking if I've been "exposed to HTML" during checkups. And here I thought my code was just dirty because of poor indentation.
The real kicker? These are the same people who'll confidently tell you they "know computers" before asking you to fix their printer. This is why we can't have nice things in tech - 10% of the population thinks we're spreading disease by writing <div> tags.
Next time someone asks what I do for a living, I'm just going to say "I work at McDonald's." Safer that way.