It Works On My Local Container

A Venn diagram that hits way too close to home. Engineers are never available, have infinite ego, and will loudly proclaim your project will take 2 weeks (spoiler: it won't). Meanwhile, AI is always there, responds instantly, and lies about taking just 1 minute instead. The overlap is the best part though - both are wildly overconfident about untested code and need extremely specific instructions that they'll promptly ignore anyway. It's basically choosing between a ghost that silently crashes your system or a human who'll blame you for not understanding their "vision." Welcome to the future, where your options are invisible tech debt or premature optimization. Pick your poison.

The perfect excuse has arrived! When GitHub Actions is down, productivity grinds to a halt faster than a recursive function without a base case. There's something beautifully legitimate about telling your manager "Sorry, can't deploy that critical fix - GitHub's down" while secretly enjoying your unexpected coffee break. The best part? Even the most demanding managers instantly transform from "GET BACK TO WORK" to "Oh, carry on" because they know arguing with cloud infrastructure outages is like trying to debug by adding more bugs. Sweet, sweet dependency-induced freedom.

Just pushed 47 failing tests to production and went home for the weekend. Kings don't lose sleep over peasant concerns like test coverage. Monday's problem now. The QA team can join my "prayer circle" Slack channel if they need me.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute HORROR of what this junior dev just confessed! 😱 Changing your Git config to impersonate your senior devs and then pushing a bug to production?! That's not just coding crime—that's a full-blown IDENTITY THEFT CATASTROPHE! This poor soul thought they were just being clever, but they've basically committed the developer equivalent of framing someone for MURDER. The senior dev's face says it all—pure existential panic because guess who's getting blamed when everything crashes and burns? NOT THE INNOCENT-LOOKING CULPRIT! This is why we can't have nice things in software development. Trust? DESTROYED. Career? POSSIBLY OVER. Code review processes? CLEARLY NONEXISTENT!

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of those unit tests! 💅 Strutting around with their green checkmarks while the actual code is having a full-blown existential crisis! It's like building a perfect replica of the Titanic in your bathtub and declaring "Ship works fine!" while the real one is still at the bottom of the ocean! The disconnect between passing tests and working software is the ultimate developer gaslighting. "But my tests said it works!" Yeah, and my horoscope said I'd find love this year, yet here I am, alone with my debugger at midnight! 🙄

Oh. My. God. The AUDACITY of this comparison! 💀 Left side: One single, straight, boring track that takes FIVE HOURS of your precious life to build an app the old-fashioned way. Just you, your coffee, and your tears. Straight to destination despair. Right side: A CHAOTIC MASTERPIECE of tracks going in sixty different directions that somehow delivers your app in FIVE MINUTES with AI agents. Sure, you have absolutely no idea where those tracks lead, what data they're collecting, or if your app will suddenly decide to become sentient and overthrow humanity. But hey! It's 60x faster! Who needs control when you can have SPEED? Just don't ask what's happening in those mysterious junction boxes. The complexity is the feature, darling! 💅