Type Shit My Code Be Doing

Blind as a bat when reviewing your own code, but suddenly equipped with NASA-grade telescope vision when it's someone else's mess. Nothing quite like the supernatural ability to spot every single anti-pattern, security vulnerability, and poorly named variable in code you didn't write, while your own masterpiece—complete with commented-out debug statements from 2019 and that one function named temp_fix_delete_later_v4 —somehow looks flawless. The real code review superpower isn't finding bugs, it's the selective blindness we develop for our own crimes against computing.

Content Elon Musk elonmusk Okay, our team of 20 did some extra hardcore crunch time and patched every bug. Hopefully we didn't miss anything... 8:48 PM Jan 21, 2023 Twitter Web App 28 Retweets 192 Quote Tweets 637K Likes 3 minutes later Elon Musk elonmusk Some fucker decided it would be funny to SQL inject on the login form. 8:48 PM Jan 21, 2023 Twitter Web App 11 Retweets 108 Quote Tweets 720K Likes 17 1 made with memnatie ProdrammerHumor.io

Content Why the hell cant i fix this bug The linter isnt bringing anything Ive been up debugging for hours All the syntax is -correct oh i was editing a backup hartific:otherwordi

Content When you try finding an error on stack overflow and find out a whole code for the thing you are doing. I came looking for Copper And I found Gold

Oh look, it's a CPU from AMD checking if your code is actually alive! Just like in Squid Game, where contestants had to survive deadly challenges, your programs are constantly being judged on whether they deserve to keep running or get brutally terminated by the OS. That horrified expression is exactly what happens when you realize your beautiful algorithm that worked perfectly in development is now deadlocked in production. The CPU is just sitting there like "Yeah, I'm gonna need you to respond in the next 0.5ms or I'm sending a SIGKILL your way." Spoiler alert: Your thread doesn't make it to the next round.

Nothing quite like that brief moment of smooth sailing when you copy-paste some StackOverflow magic into your dirt road of a codebase. Sure, it works... right up until you hit that pothole where your requirements differ slightly from the original question. Then it's back to the bumpy gravel path of debugging your own janky solutions. The real tragedy? Six months from now you'll have completely forgotten which parts you wrote and which parts came from that random post with 47 upvotes. Future you is gonna have a hell of a time figuring out why there's suddenly a perfectly paved section in your otherwise chaotic code desert.