The Four Horsemen Of Developer Excuses

Junior developers turning their heads away from perfectly good documentation and help resources to stare longingly at the siren call of ChatGPT with half-baked prompts. The eternal struggle of tech leads everywhere - watching their team ignore centuries of accumulated wisdom in favor of asking an AI "how 2 center div plz?" and then implementing whatever hallucinated garbage it spits out. The documentation might as well be written in invisible ink at this point.

OMG, the AUDACITY of yanking RAM while the computer is still breathing! 💀 Those screens are literally the digital equivalent of a computer having a stroke in real-time. The poor machine is SCREAMING in binary as you surgically remove chunks of its consciousness! It's like performing brain surgery on someone who's fully awake and watching you do it through a mirror. The computer's last thoughts: "WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!" Pure technological torture wrapped in a four-panel tragedy!

The counter shows negative one days since the last timezone issue, which means we're literally having timezone problems from the future . That's the special hell of distributed systems—you've got bugs arriving before you even write the code. Time zones are the eternal punishment for developers who thought "how hard could date handling be?" Spoiler: it's a nightmare wrapped in an enigma served with a side of daylight saving exceptions.

Ah, the ancient ritual of code review. That moment when you're staring at someone else's spaghetti logic like a caveman discovering fire for the first time. No comments, variable names like 'x1', 'temp', and 'doStuff', and nested if-statements seven layers deep. Your brain just goes "confused unga bunga" as you try to decipher what dark magic the previous developer was attempting to summon. The only thing missing is banging rocks together hoping for documentation to appear.

Content When you were initially assigned a new feature for the next release, but the bugs from your earlier feature have caught up to you, and your new task has Been reassigned to someone else There is nothing we can do...

Content Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs don't work... 20. That's weird... 19. It's never done that before. 18. It worked yesterday. 17. How is that possible? 16. It must be a hardware problem. 15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash? 14. There has to be something funky in your data. 13. I haven't touched that module in weeks! 12. You must have the wrong version. 11. It's just some unlucky coincidence. 10. I can't test everything! 9. THIS can't be the source of THAT. 8. It works, but it hasn't been tested. 7. Somebody must have changed my code. 6. Did you check for a virus on your system? 5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel? 4. You can't use that version on your system. 3. Why do you want to do it that way? 2. Where were you when the program blew up? 1. It works on my machine.