The Four Horsemen Of Developer Excuses

Modern IDEs be like "I'll auto-complete your code and fix your syntax!" but then completely implode when you forget a semicolon in JavaScript. That smug smile quickly turns to panic when your perfectly crafted code refuses to run because of one tiny punctuation mark. No matter how advanced our tools get, nothing beats the classic "missing semicolon" error that somehow takes 45 minutes to debug. The machines aren't taking our jobs yet—they can't even handle a period with a tail.

Content JUST BECAUSEMA PROGRAMMER DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW HOW TO FIX YOUR COMPUTER! SIS CONE WELL I.DO BUT NOT BECAUSE IM A PROGRAMMER!

Content After thousands of applications, I just accepted an offer from a McFAANG company! Shitpost Don't want to specify which one, but I'm super excited to finally be working at a top tier McFAANG company! I will be in a Forward Deployed Food Engineering Specialist role! Some of my job responsibilities include: Building ETL pipelines to extract frozen patties from the FREEZER database and transforming them into ready made burgers Deriving insights and analysis on client orders from the cash register Managing real-time NoSQL (No Salt Queue Layer) deployments for french fry processing Maintaining high-throughput IO operations at drive-through queuing interface while ensuring sub-60-second response times Implementing mission-critical data cleaning protocols using proprietary mop-based algorithms Debugging ice cream machines I'm extremely excited to receive a base TC of over 280k (per decade) for my first job out of college! If anyone wants some tips or tricks, feel free to ask

When the job posting says "Junior Developer - 0-2 years experience" but also requires "Expert in 17 frameworks, machine learning, quantum computing, and ability to debug code by smell alone." That's how we end up with this 55-year-old "junior" looking like he's seen some shit. By 2025, entry-level positions will require you to have invented time travel just to acquire the necessary experience. The name tag is just the cherry on top - "AI Technician" because apparently, that's what we're calling "copy-pasting from Stack Overflow with extra steps" these days.

WHAT IN THE BOOLEAN LOGIC NIGHTMARE IS THIS?! 🤯 Someone created a function called CompareBooleansEqual that calls AreBooleansEqual ... which returns false when values ARE equal and true when they're NOT! It's like building a fire alarm that screams "ALL CLEAR!" during an actual fire! Whoever wrote this probably also labels their sugar container as "salt" and vice versa. No wonder the dev needs a drink - I need the entire liquor store after seeing this code abomination!

Content SYL shoePrices let shoes designerObj.shoes for(let j 0; j shoes. length shoePrices .push( shoesj.pric ) roePriceAverage calculateAverage( shoe nsole. log( shoePriceAverage) Summaru avAraneDrice chAADed SAAU