The Four Horsemen Of A Dev's Apocalypse

The classic developer paradox: your boss thinks you're a requirements-gathering genius, while you're just an anxious mess who can't stop imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. That's not autism—that's just software development working as intended. The real miracle is maintaining that poker face during the congratulatory handshake while mentally reviewing the 47 edge cases you forgot to document.

When your high-end AMD Ryzen 7 1800X decides it's too good for benchmarking software. Nothing says "professional computing experience" quite like your PC literally calling itself ass and rage-quitting the benchmark. The error message wasn't programmed by developers—it was written by the computer's bruised ego after seeing its own performance metrics. That AMD chip has 8 cores but apparently zero chill.

Remember when we actually had to understand algorithms? Now it's just "fancy bear, what's the optimal way to balance this binary tree?" And Stack Overflow? That's just AI with extra steps and judgment. But coding without internet? That's like trying to remember your ex's phone number – theoretically possible but why would you put yourself through that pain? The real pros among us still have that O'Reilly book collection gathering dust somewhere, just in case the apocalypse hits and we need to remember how pointers work.

Behold the miracle optimization technique they don't teach you in CS classes! Turns out, the solution to Node.js performance issues isn't fancy algorithms or expensive hardware—it's just commenting out console.log() statements. That dramatic cliff in the graph is what happens when someone finally says "maybe we don't need to log every electron's quantum state change." The event loop went from suffocating under a blanket of logs to suddenly breathing freely—like removing a winter coat in a sauna. Next week's optimization tip: Try turning your computer on.

Content 2 biggest-gaudiest-patronuses Follow that time in high school when my computer died and i was so deeply distraught i legit wrote an entire obituary for a laptop mperialscribe Where is the obit Gaud, come on don't hold out on us biggest-gaudiest-patronuses Follow i had to dig so deep through old backup files to find this, enjoy! RIP (In loving, random access memory) After a long illness, my beloved laptop, 3, while surrounded by family and tech support, succumbed in the night to an internal error. My laptop leaves behind one bereaved admin (me), an estranged guest user, an elderly warranty and a large extended family of synced mobile devices and browser bookmarks. Friends, we are gathered in this subdomain today to honor the memory, both RAM and hard drive, volatile and non-volatile, and mourn the data loss of a beloved digital companion. Caches to caches, rust to rust. Though its hard drive may be wiped, its chassis refurbished, and its processor sold for scrap, its torrent downloads and browser history will live on in our hearts, and eventually come back to haunt me.

Content Roman Sharkov admin Downloaded a virus for Linux lately and unpacked it. Tried to run it as root, didn't work. Googled for 2 hours, found out that instead of uslocalbin the virus unpacked to usr bin for which the user malware doesn't have any write permissions, therefore the virus couldn't create a process file. Found patched . configure and . make files on some Chinese forum, recompiled and rerun it. The virus said it needs the library cmalw-11b-2.0. Turns out cmalw-lib-2.0 is shipped with CentOS but not with Ubuntu. Googled for hours again and found an instruction to build a . deb package from source. The virus finally started, wrote some logs, made a core dump and crashed. After 1 hour of going through the logs 1 discovered the virus assumed it was running on ext4 and called into its disk encryption API. Under btrfs this API is deprecated. The kernel noticed and made this partition read-only. Opened the sources, grep'ed the Bitcoin wallet and sent 5 out of pity. 19-50