If I Did A Push-Up Per Curse Word

Content How people ask companies for new features or bug fixes How people ask Open Source Devs for features or bug fixes

Look at that broken plastic piece being repurposed as a hook. That's basically the coding equivalent of: "Hey, that null pointer exception is actually super useful for detecting when the user does something stupid!" Every senior dev has that moment where they stare at their janky workaround and think, "Ship it. It's not a bug anymore—it's an undocumented feature with character." Bonus points if you add a cryptic comment like // Don't touch this. It works. I don't know why.

OH. MY. GOD. This is the most SAVAGE takedown of unit testing I've ever witnessed! 😂 Unit tests are SUPPOSED to verify your code works correctly, but instead we get these ABSOLUTELY USELESS tests that just confirm the painfully obvious! "By 30 you should have been born" is LITERALLY the equivalent of writing tests that assert 1+1=2 or checking if a string is a string. The absolute DRAMA of spending hours writing tests that do nothing but state the bleeding obvious while your actual code is on fire somewhere else. I can't even!

Technical interviews these days are basically survival combat with a grizzly bear while the actual job is just playing with Winnie the Pooh. Nothing says "modern tech hiring" like being mauled by algorithm questions you'll never use again, only to spend your career copying from Stack Overflow and asking ChatGPT to explain regex. The bear should be wearing a "Binary Tree Traversal" t-shirt for accuracy.

The brutal reality of zero-indexed arrays strikes again! Dad asks kid to count to ten, but the poor child starts with "1, 2..." instead of the programmer-approved "0, 1, 2...". Next frame: straight to the orphanage! 😱 Every programmer knows arrays start at 0, not 1. It's the hill we die on (or apparently disown children over). The kid committed the cardinal sin of using 1-indexed counting in a 0-indexed household. No wonder dad's debugging tears are flowing - his offspring has a critical logic error!

Fancy GUI API testing tools are nice until you need to debug something at 2AM and your authentication token expires. Meanwhile, the command line warrior with curl gets the job done in 10 seconds flat. Sure, Postman has pretty buttons and saves your requests, but real sysadmins know: when the server's on fire, nobody's got time to wait for an Electron app to load.