The Excel Database Conspiracy

Content IF THE WORLD WAS CREATED BY A PROGRAMMER iN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS THE HEAVEN AND THE EarTH BUT THE EARTH WAS FORMLESS AND BUGGY, WITHOUT DOCUMENTATION AND THE PROGRAMMER SAW THAT IT WAS NOT GOOD THEN YOU SAID "LET ThERE BE LIGHT! BUT THE LIGHT DId NOT COMPILE. On THE SECOND DAY, YOU MERGE WATER YOU CREATE A HACK SO TH AT LIGHT IS PAKI THE LANC TO CREATE DARKNESS, YoU NEED TO HIDE THE LAND, BUT THAT'S OK CAUSE CREATURES WON'T BE ADDED UNTIL LATER. AND STACKOVERFLOW SAID IT'S FINE BUT BECAUSE OF THE DEPENDENCY, LIGHT BREAKS AS IS ACCIDENTALL' LAND FLOODED YOU CHECK STACKOVERFLOW (IN THE DARKNESS) IT's THE ThIRD DAY. YOU TRY TO ADD CREATURES YOU ADD THEM IN THE TURNS OUT THE CREATURES IN THE DARKNESS, BUT BROWSER USING COOKIES, THERE'S NO LAND WITHOUT WHICH UNFORTUNATELY NEEDED TO BE ADDED SOONER MAKES THEM MORTAL BUT THe CLIent ForGoT to LIGHT, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE MENTION THAT LIGHT BECAUSE OF THE WATER IT'S THE FOURTH DAY. YOU DECIDE TO USE C YOU ALSO USE STL TO CREATE A BALLOON TURNS OUT THE ISSUES FOR ABSTRACTIONS AND THAT INFLATES THE EARTH IT WORKS OUT GREAT WERE CAUSED BY THE WITH COMPLICATIONS FLAT EARTH DESIGN WHATSOEVER! DANGLING POINTE IT'S ThE FIFtH daY YOU START ADDING PEOPLE TO HELP You. ON The SIXTH DAY YoU LoOK AT THE CHAOS YOU CREATED YOU DECIDE TO CREATE THEM IN YOUR LIKENESS, WHICH IS A MISTAKE LEFT -PAD. REACT THEY IMMEDIATELY POPULATE THE EARTH WITH HACKS, FADS AND UNNECESSARY JAVASCRIPT LIBRARIES REACT (FUCKIT.JS' le, YOU ATTEMPT TO LEAD PEOPLE BACK TO SENSIBLE PROGRAMMING, BUT IT IS TOO LATE- EVERYTHING RUNS ON DEPENDENCIES DAYTIMEAIR.JS HORIZON SEA.JS REALISTIC WAVES.JS BETTERBANKS.J BASE.JS SUND ON THE SEVENTH DAY YoU REALLY WANT To REST, BUT YOU NEED TO ORGANISE ALL You'vE CREATE OGGL.COM

Content SQL programmers be like NathanTheCreator Caps Lock

Content function to fuck UP the database Idef fuckup() : conn sqlite3.connect('database.db') C conn. cursor ( ) c.execute ("DROP TABLE users") conn.commit( conn.close () Posted in rprogramminghorror by umyguygetshigh ProarammerHumor.io reddit

Content When you show your teacher some code you wrote but your compiler is taking forever Dude you are embarrassing me in front of the wizards.

Content Kya yaar ljyoshnapujhari Jun 2 Give me 3words.. better than I love you?? 888 17 23 667 Programmer Gaurav ProgrammerGRG : 17h Code Compiled Successfully! 17

The evolution of a security manager's mental state is just *chef's kiss*. Starting with the professional "let's convince the CEO to trigger a P0 incident for secrets in code" approach, quickly descending into threatening emails about rotating secrets.xlsx (because storing secrets in Excel is totally secure, right?). By panel three, they're forcing CloudOps and DevOps to rotate secrets during production hours because security trumps uptime! And finally, the inevitable resignation email after causing organizational chaos. The clown makeup progression perfectly captures how security managers often start with good intentions but end up becoming the villain in everyone's story after trying to enforce best practices in environments that resist change until it's too late.