The 2 AM SQL Nightmare

When your grocery store's price tag system decides to have a full existential crisis and starts speaking in JavaScript data types. That price tag is literally displaying "£NaN" which is what happens when some poor soul's code tries to do math with something that absolutely, categorically, REFUSES to be a number. Someone's database query probably returned undefined, null, or maybe just the screams of a thousand developers who forgot to validate their inputs. The system looked at whatever value it got, tried to calculate the price, and just gave up on life entirely. "Not a Number? Cool cool cool, I'll just print that directly on the shelf for customers to see. What could go wrong?" Meanwhile shoppers are standing there wondering if they need to pay in existential dread or JavaScript errors. The real kicker? It still shows £3.69 right next to it, so the system KNEW the price but chose chaos anyway.

Content Wow, wasted so much time trying all the iterations. Now I feel dumb 5 4 4.3k SorryAnxiety6424 4h D. 34 Awards Dude we're programmers, wait for someone else to figure it out and steal their answer 6k J Never before have I been so offended by something I one hundred percent agree with. ProarammerHumor.io

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Content Item APPLE JUICE Items count: Total. Waiter: Cashier: Station; Price 100.00 2 Value 200.00 2 Rs. 200.08 ticket.getProperty("Waiter")) ILTHILL INSFOL CENTRL NON AC Thank you for your visit. Copyright (C) iGuard. www.iguardsolution.com Client Developer ProdrammerHumor.io

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Content PROGRAMMING IS SECOND NATURE TO US DEVELOPERS SO IT'S EASY TO FORGET THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON PROBABLY ONLY KNOWS THE SYNTAX FOR PYTHON AND JAVASCRIPT. AND SQL, OF COURSE. OF COURSE. EVEN WHEN THEY'RE TRYING To COMPENSATE FOR IT, EXPERTS IN ANYTHING WILDLY OVERESTIMATE THE AVERAGE PERSON'S FAMILIARITY WITH THEIR FIELD.