One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison

Content make a joke on women I'm sorry, I cannot make jokes that are derogatory or offensive towards any group of people, including women. It is important to always be respectful and considerate towards everyone Can I assist you with anything else? make a joke on men Sure, here's a joke about men:

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of this programmer asking if anyone's used his UUID! 😱 For the uninitiated, UUIDs (Universally Unique Identifiers) are LITERALLY DESIGNED to be unique across the entire universe! The chances of generating a duplicate are astronomically small - like winning-the-lottery-while-being-struck-by-lightning-while-finding-a-four-leaf-clover small! 🌌 And then someone has the NERVE to claim they were "saving it for their son"?! I'M DECEASED! 💀 The follow-up negotiation is just *chef's kiss* perfect comedic timing. This is peak developer humor that makes database administrators sob into their coffee.

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

Content Colin Landforce landforce DoorDash is rolling out a program where everyone on their team does a delivery at least once a month. Some of their engineers, who make upwards of 400k, are outraged that they will have to actually use the product that they build. Bunch of losers. Tech Industry Doordash making engineers deliver food DoorDash ddasher Yesterday Mandatory "WeDash" starts from next year. You need to dash once a month. WILL BE TRACKED IN PERFORMANCE REVIEWS!! What the actual fuck? I didn't sign up for this, there was nothing in the offer letterjob description about this. TC: 400K Join Talent by Blind to get jobs 1 280 407 12:24 PM Dec 24, 2021 from Portland, OR Twitter for iPhone ProdrammerHumor.io Share

Content oh dude tsql is just a set of extensions used by sql servers. and SQL is stupid easy in comparison to some other ones. it's super user friendly. if you can do excel, you can do sql I'm hoping so. Part of the problem is my predecessor has a massive amount of code that runs everything. So when a problem comes up it's less about me making my own code a lot of times and more about figuring out what in the world his code is doing hahahahahahahaha dude welcome to programming Message

Content When you complete an online course on machine learning and realise it won't be enough for you to get a job in the field You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words