One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison

Content no-one-left-behind 2018.2.10 Public Published 4 years ago B Readme Explore BETA 3 1,000 Dependencies All packages Depends on every package in pm. Installation Please don't.. pm install all-packages Keywords none

Someone finally cracked the code on tech stack naming. Forget MERN (MongoDB, Express, React, Node) – that's for people who still think JavaScript frameworks won't change by next Tuesday. The real pros are running PORN: PostgreSQL, Ollama, Redis, Next.js. It's got everything you need: a battle-tested database that won't randomly corrupt your data, an LLM framework for when you need to add "AI-powered" to your resume, an in-memory cache because your queries are slower than your standup meetings, and Next.js because apparently we needed another way to render React. The stack is solid, the acronym is chef's kiss, and your HR department will have questions about your pull request descriptions.

That heart-stopping moment when you write DELETE FROM users WHERE and hit enter before finishing the WHERE clause. Your entire production database just flashed before your eyes. But wait—syntax error. The semicolon gods have blessed you today. The query didn't execute because you forgot that little punctuation mark. What was supposed to delete one user would've nuked the entire table, but your sloppy typing habits just saved the company. Pro tip: Always write your WHERE clause BEFORE the DELETE statement. Or better yet, use transactions and test on dev first. But we both know you're gonna keep living dangerously.

SQL developers have developed very specific muscle groups from years of repetitive strain. The finger gymnastics required to constantly interlock your hands while thinking about JOIN logic, the neck strength from tilting your head back in existential dread when a query takes 47 minutes to run, the leg flexibility from stretching after sitting for 6 hours optimizing a single query, and the absolutely jacked thumb from furiously hammering that Caps Lock key because SQL keywords MUST be uppercase or the database gods will be displeased. It's not about fitness, it's about survival in the trenches of data warehouses.

That moment when a single typo sends the entire team into cardiac arrest. John's innocent "Deploy*" followed by "Applogies" is the digital equivalent of casually mentioning you've just pressed the big red button. The desperate "Please take the day off!" plea is what happens when DevOps PTSD kicks in. This is why senior engineers develop drinking problems and why code review exists. Somewhere, a database administrator just felt a disturbance in the force.

Who needs 50 different data types when you can just slap everything into a JSONB column and call it a day? This is basically PostgreSQL developers discovering MongoDB's entire business model. The tweet shows the ultimate database hack: create a table with just an ID and a JSONB field that's essentially a shapeless blob of whatever garbage you want to throw in there. Schema? We don't know her. Data integrity? Never met her. It's the database equivalent of shoving everything under your bed when your mom tells you to clean your room. And the best part? This is exactly what MongoDB has been selling as a "feature" all along. Turns out you can have NoSQL chaos in your SQL database too!