Database Race

The perfect illustration of developer priorities. Spend hours optimizing a binary search tree? Mild interest . Configure a complex database schema? Barely awake . But show us a joke about semicolons or tabs vs. spaces? INSTANT DOPAMINE HIT. We're simple creatures who'd rather scroll through memes than fix that memory leak we've been ignoring for weeks. Self-awareness level: embarrassingly high.

Content DEAR VARIOUS PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, CO WORKERS, AND OTHER "NOT COMPUTER PEOPLE WE DON'T MAGICALLY KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING IN EVERY PROGRAM. WHEN WE HELP YOU, WE'RE USUALLY JUST DOING THIS: START FIND A MENU ITEM OR BUTTON WHICH LOOKS RELATED TO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. OK y CLICK IT. I CAN'T FIND ONE PICK ONE AT RANDOM. OK IVE TRIED THEM ALL NO HAVE YOU BEEN TRYING THIS FOR OVER HALF AN HOUR? YES ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP OR GIVE UP. NO DID IT WORK? YES GOOGLE THE NAME OF THE PROGRAM PLUS A FEW WORDS RELATED TO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. FolLOW ANY INSTRUCTIONS. YOURE DONE! PLEASE PRINT THIS FLOWCHART OUT AND TAPE IT NEAR YOUR SCREEN. CONGRATULATIONS; YOU'RE NOW THE LOCAL COMPUTER EXPERT!

Content 1 like to think of myself, actually, as not a code writer, but an author. just use zeros and ones instead of words cause words will let you down.

Ah, the classic primary key violation that no one warned the poor user about. Some developer thought storing age as a unique identifier was a brilliant idea, and now we've got 17-year-olds fighting in the Thunderdome for database supremacy. Next time try using UUID instead of, you know, THE MOST COMMON AGE AMONG TEENAGE USERS. This is what happens when you let the intern design your database schema after a Red Bull all-nighter.

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Content var fs require("fs") var words fs.readfileSync("words.txt").toString0); words words.split("'n"); Don't ever be afraid that you're not a real programmer because you still look stuff up. var fs require ("fs"); var words fs.readFileSync("words.txt").toString0); words words.split("n"); The important part about programming is not remembering exact words or syntax: var fs require ("fs"); var words fs.readFileSync("words. txt"). toString(); words words.split("n"); it is breaking down a problem, working out how to solve it,