Data Architect Fills In For HR

MongoDB's marketing team really nailed their priorities here. Forget trivial things like your compensation, burnout, or work-life balance - the only legacy that matters is knowing their database is "web scale." For the uninitiated, "web scale" became a tech buzzword after a famous parody video where a MongoDB enthusiast repeatedly screams "it's web scale!" while a MySQL user questions what that actually means. The phrase became shorthand for "sounds impressive but possibly meaningless tech jargon." Nothing says "I've made it in tech" quite like remembering marketing slogans instead of your actual life experiences. Your therapist would have a field day with this one.

Ah yes, the elegant solution of cramming a jumbo jet into a cargo plane—just like trying to shove your beautiful, flexible JSON data into the rigid, tabular prison of SQL. Database architects be like: "It technically fits if we disassemble the wings, normalize the engines into separate tables, and pretend those nested objects don't exist!" Meanwhile, NoSQL developers are watching this disaster unfold while sipping tea.

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