Tech recruiting Memes

Posts tagged with Tech recruiting

Time-Traveling Toddler Developer Required
Programming Webdev Frontend Backend
1 day ago 59.0K views 0 shares
Time-Traveling Toddler Developer Required
Oh sweetie, you thought job requirements were REALISTIC? The absolute AUDACITY of these recruiters wanting a "junior" developer with a DECADE of experience! Like, honey, did you want me to code in the womb? Should I have been debugging while still on formula? Perhaps I should've mastered JavaScript before learning to WALK?! What's next - requiring 5 years experience in a framework that was released YESTERDAY? The tech industry's time paradox continues to be the most toxic relationship I've ever witnessed!

Time Dilation For Job Requirements
Programming Webdev
3 days ago 53.2K views 0 shares
Time Dilation For Job Requirements
When your recruiter says you need 7 years of experience in a technology that's only existed for 1 year. Time dilation on this planet is the only way to meet job requirements these days. Job listings be like: "Entry level position - must have mastered three programming languages that haven't been invented yet and sacrificed your firstborn to the GitHub gods." The real interstellar mission isn't exploring new worlds—it's finding a way to accumulate enough experience to qualify for that "junior" position.

SWE Pro Career Move
Programming
6 days ago 53.7K views 0 shares
SWE Pro Career Move
The secret ingredient to landing that high-paying dev job? A clean shower. Not clean code, not a fancy portfolio, just pristine bathroom tiles. Tech recruiters aren't looking for your GitHub contributions—they're desperate for engineers who understand the concept of personal hygiene. In an industry where "works from home" often means "hasn't seen sunlight in 72 hours," a shower photo is basically a competitive advantage. The bar is literally on the floor... or in this case, the drain.

I'd Rather Work On Something That Contributes Positively To Society, Thanks
Programming
6 days ago 71.2K views 0 shares
I'd Rather Work On Something That Contributes Positively To Society, Thanks
Ah, the classic bait and switch of tech recruiting. That initial excitement when you hear "competitive salary and work-life balance" quickly evaporates when you realize it's for yet another blockchain startup trying to revolutionize digital pet ownership or whatever. After 15 years in this industry, I've developed a Pavlovian response to the word "blockchain" - it's basically shorthand for "we're burning VC money on a solution desperately searching for a problem." But hey, at least you'll get free kombucha and a foosball table while the funding lasts!

State Of The Industry
Programming AI Algorithms
9 days ago 63.2K views 0 shares
State Of The Industry
When Indeed thinks your software engineering skills make you perfect for managing a fast food joint, but still has the audacity to include a "This is a bad match" button. The irony is delicious – unlike what you'd be serving at El Pollo Loco. The tech industry in 2024: Spend 10 years mastering distributed systems and microservices architecture so you can flip chicken and manage teenagers making minimum wage. But hey, you get to "apply your skills in a new industry" – because apparently writing code and cooking poultry require the same skill set!

Glad To Hear You Never
Programming
11 days ago 60.1K views 0 shares
Glad To Hear You Never
That gleeful smile when your 15 years of coding experience, 3 GitHub repos with 1000+ stars, and custom-built compiler don't match their automated keyword filter looking for "5+ years experience in a framework released 2 years ago." Your resume never stood a chance against the mighty ATS that can't tell Python from a snake. But hey, at least they'll send you a rejection email in 6-8 business months!

Green Squares To Six Figures
Git Devops Programming Python
13 days ago 71.2K views 0 shares
Green Squares To Six Figures
When LinkedIn meets GitHub, truth bombs explode! This genius "Senior Data Engineer" created a script that automatically commits to GitHub every few minutes—making his contribution graph look like he's coding 24/7. Little did he know his "10-minute hack" would expose the entire tech hiring circus. The second part shows a recruiter drooling over this fake activity: "We offered him $500k without even interviewing!" Because apparently, a green GitHub grid is more impressive than actual skills. Who needs technical interviews when you can automate your way to looking productive? Remember kids, it's not about building useful things—it's about making sure your contribution graph looks like a radioactive lawn.

Data Architect Fills In For HR
Databases Programming Backend
14 days ago 90.5K views 0 shares
Data Architect Fills In For HR
When a database architect gets HR access privileges... 💀 Poor Jeffrey just found out he's not VARCHAR(255) compatible. Someone clearly designed their employee table with fixed-width fields and "Jeffrey" has one too many characters for whatever ridiculous constraint they set. This is what happens when you let database purists handle human resources. Next they'll be rejecting candidates because their last names contain SQL-injection risks or their birthdays don't conform to ISO-8601.

While Redditing I Openned Console And Saw This
Webdev Javascript Programming Debugging Frontend
18 days ago 85.7K views 0 shares
While Redditing I Openned Console And Saw This
Ah, the classic Reddit ASCII Snoo recruitment technique. Nothing says "we need developers" like hiding job ads in the console where only the curious nerds will find them. It's like leaving cheese in a mousetrap, except the cheese is a job opportunity and the mouse is a developer who can't help but inspect every website they visit. Twenty years in the industry and companies are still pulling the "How do you do, fellow hackers?" routine. Gotta respect the hustle though—beats those "we're like a family" job listings.

The Future Of Jobs Is Now
Testing Agile Programming Debugging
19 days ago 62.9K views 0 shares
The Future Of Jobs Is Now
Oh honey, they've done it! They've finally found the most pretentious way to say "QA Engineer" without actually saying it! 💅 "Vibe Code Tester" is what happens when a startup's HR department snorts three lines of buzzword bingo and decides traditional job titles are sooooo 2010. Next thing you know, they'll be asking for "Code Emotion Analysts" and "Syntax Feng Shui Consultants" with 10+ years experience in a framework that was invented yesterday. The future isn't AI replacing us—it's us desperately trying to sound irreplaceable!

Recruiters Be Like
Databases Programming Frontend
23 days ago 129.4K views 0 shares
Recruiters Be Like
OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these recruiters! 💅 They're out here asking for candidates to "establish a database connection using CSS" which is like asking someone to bake a cake using a hammer! HONEY, CSS is for styling webpages and making things pretty, not connecting to databases! That's what SQL, MongoDB, or literally ANY database language is for! The tech recruiting world is a CIRCUS and we're all just clowns sending our resumes into the void! 🎪

Would You Hire Him
Programming Git StackOverflow
25 days ago 82.6K views 0 shares
Would You Hire Him
Nothing triggers impostor syndrome quite like scrolling through GitHub and finding Luigi here with dual CS degrees from an Ivy League school, 3500 followers, and probably a contribution graph that looks like a Manhattan skyline. Meanwhile, you're still struggling to center a div and your most impressive achievement is fixing a bug by restarting your computer. The cherry on top? He's probably 22 and already has FAANG offers while you're surviving on Stack Overflow copypasta and praying nobody reviews your code too carefully. But hey, at least you know how to exit Vim... sometimes.