Schema design Memes

Junior dev: "I designed a database in 3 hours! Give me a medal!" Senior devs: *looking at the schema with User and userId in the same model, nullable fields everywhere, and enums that'll need constant updating* This is why database design takes weeks. The junior's Prisma schema is a ticking time bomb of future migration nightmares, circular dependencies, and queries that'll bring production to its knees when you hit more than 100 users. Six months later, they'll be writing a Medium article titled "How I Survived My First Database Redesign" while the senior devs silently add another gray hair to their collection.

Ah, the classic baby shape sorter toy, but make it database . When your data architecture strategy is literally "if it fits, it ships." Junior devs looking at their PostgreSQL database like it's some magical black hole where any data structure can and should go. Who needs schema validation when you have determination and a hammer? PostgreSQL: Technically versatile enough to store your hopes, dreams, and that JSON blob you were too lazy to normalize.

When a database architect gets HR access privileges... 💀 Poor Jeffrey just found out he's not VARCHAR(255) compatible. Someone clearly designed their employee table with fixed-width fields and "Jeffrey" has one too many characters for whatever ridiculous constraint they set. This is what happens when you let database purists handle human resources. Next they'll be rejecting candidates because their last names contain SQL-injection risks or their birthdays don't conform to ISO-8601.