I Am Speed (But At What Cost)

Look at those semicolons switching sides! The top code shows the classic "sad" C-style syntax where semicolons terminate statements. But the bottom shows the "happy" syntax from languages like Swift where colons come before the parameter instead of semicolons after. It's like the difference between ending a conversation with "Goodbye." and starting one with "Hey friend: what's up?" The second just feels more welcoming! Punctuation therapy for your code.

Patrick claims "C/C++ is a deprecated language" while SpongeBob looks horrified holding an Unreal Engine shield. Then SpongeBob runs into a series of tech ecosystems—first encountering Unity, then Windows, followed by a keyboard graveyard of programming languages, and finally Adobe design tools. The journey ends with SpongeBob escaping to the safety of Linux, where he can breathe again. It's basically the digital equivalent of telling a chef "knives are obsolete" and watching them sprint through the culinary world trying to find someone who agrees. Spoiler: they end up at a Linux commune where everyone makes their own knives from scratch.

A parody of the iconic "For Dummies" book series that offers the ultimate solution to C++ frustration: complete abandonment of programming. The book promises to help you "forget OOP in 5 days," explore radical concepts like "weekends," and master advanced techniques such as "throwing away your computer." Perfect for the developer who's had enough pointer arithmetic to last several lifetimes. The true senior developer path isn't learning more languages—it's learning to touch grass.

You use if statements with spaces after the keyword. I use the proper syntax with no space. That stern look isn't just for show—it's the face of someone who's saved kilobytes across a career by eliminating unnecessary whitespace. Ten years from now, when your codebase is 17KB larger than mine for no functional benefit, you'll understand. Efficiency isn't just about algorithms; it's a lifestyle.

The eternal struggle of the underpaid code monkey, summed up in a dad joke that's so bad it's good. It's a pun on "arrays" (data structures that store multiple values) and "a raise" (that mythical increase in salary your boss keeps promising). The real tragedy? Most of us would actually stay for a new mechanical keyboard and unlimited snacks in the break room. Our standards are embarrassingly low.

The evolution of developer laziness in one picture. 2020 devs manually checking every single number like they're counting on their fingers, while 2026 devs just outsource basic math to AI because why bother remembering if numbers are odd or even? The best part? Even Bjarne Stroustrup himself—the literal creator of C++—looked at this and went "Tell me: this is a joke?" Imagine building an entire programming language only to watch future developers ask ChatGPT whether 5 is odd. The man gave us templates, RAII, and the STL, and we repaid him by forgetting modulo operators exist. To be fair, the 2026 approach probably has better error handling than the 2020 version. At least until OpenAI decides that 7 is "spiritually even" or something.