How To Properly Troll Your Developer Friend

That moment when your entire career hangs in the balance of a color-coded gauge slowly filling with red. Nothing quite matches the suspense of watching your terminal like it's the season finale of your favorite show. The compilation starts all green and happy, then the yellows creep in, and suddenly you're bargaining with the compiler gods: "Just warnings, please just warnings..." But deep down you know those errors are coming. They always do. It's like watching a horror movie where you're both the victim and the monster who wrote the code.

If programming languages were weapons of choice, this is what we'd all be carrying. C++ is basically that Swiss Army knife with 500 functions you'll never use but can't throw away. JavaScript? Those kitchen scissors that somehow cut everything except what you actually need them for. Python gets the chainsaw because it chops through problems with brute simplicity (until you hit a threading issue). Meanwhile, Assembly programmers are performing surgery with precision scalpels because they're controlling every single byte like the control freaks they are. And then there's Visual Basic... literally just a spoon. Not even a sharp spoon. The kind of tool you give to the intern who can't be trusted with anything dangerous. The real joke? We're all still getting paid to use these ridiculous tools to build things that somehow run the entire world. Sleep tight!

The embedded systems world is having a full-blown affair with C/C++ while giving Rust the cold shoulder. Despite Rust's memory safety guarantees and zero-cost abstractions, embedded devs keep crawling back to their toxic exes C and C++. It's like watching someone choose dial-up when fiber is available because "we've always done it this way." The embedded community's relationship status with C/C++ is definitely: "It's complicated" – and by complicated, I mean "refusing to move on despite all the segfaults and buffer overflows."

Ah, the eternal C/C++ programmer's dream - a world where you don't have to choose between sizeof(array) and sizeof(array[0]) just to get the damn array length. Meanwhile, JavaScript devs are smugly using .length while we're over here doing division like it's 1972. The utopian future depicted isn't flying cars - it's sensible array APIs that don't decay into pointers the moment you sneeze on them. Ten thousand years of programming evolution and we're still manually calculating element counts like cavemen with abacuses.

Listen, when someone questions why you use i and j for loop counters, there's only one valid response: IT'S THE LAW. It's like asking why we drink coffee or hate meetings that could've been emails. Some traditions in programming aren't meant to be questioned—they're sacred knowledge passed down from the ancient CS gods. Using foo and bar as placeholder names, tabs vs spaces, and i , j , k for nested loops... these are the unwritten commandments that separate the true believers from the heretics. Sure, you could use descriptive variable names like index or counter , but then your fellow devs might think you're some kind of revolutionary anarchist. And nobody wants that kind of reputation in the office.

The infamous C pointer syntax strikes again! This monstrosity void (*(*f[])())()) is the stuff of nightmares for even seasoned developers. It's basically C's way of saying "I heard you like functions, so I put functions in your functions so you can call while you call." Reading C declarations is like solving a puzzle where the prize is existential dread. The "F" in C definitely stands for "Fun with memory management until you segfault at 2AM and question your career choices."