Average FAANG Company Infrastructure

Remember when AWK was actually used for text processing instead of just being that weird command in Stack Overflow answers? The existential crisis is real. This poor utility is having a mid-career breakdown after realizing its entire existence has been reduced to "print columns" by junior devs who have no idea about its pattern scanning and processing language capabilities. Like finding out your PhD is only being used to open beer bottles. The robot's face at the end is every senior engineer watching new grads discover grep for the first time.

Nothing like the sweet satisfaction of naming your corporate organizational script GetMinions.ps1 and watching your boss squirm. Corporate wants to track their human resources? Sure, let's call it what it really is! The fact this memory popped up 6 years later means it was absolutely worth getting scolded for. The best code documentation is the kind that tells the uncomfortable truth—just remember to rename it to something soulless like GetReportingStructure.ps1 before pushing to production.

Ah, the gentle bedtime reading for Linux developers—a chapter on "Process Primitives" that escalates from "Having Children" (fork() calls) to "Watching Your Children Die" (handling terminated child processes) in approximately 0.2 seconds. The progression from spawning processes to murdering them, with a nostalgic pit stop at vfork() for the greybeards, perfectly captures the existential horror that is Linux process management. Nothing says "totally normal operating system" like documentation that reads like a serial killer's manifesto. And they wonder why therapists ask Linux developers if they're "killing children" at work.

Everyone's having a normal day until that one developer casually SSH's into production as root. Nothing says "I choose chaos" quite like bypassing all security protocols and jumping straight into prod with admin privileges. Meanwhile, the kid who's probably responsible for this disaster is just sitting there with a smug grin, holding his juice box while the entire office has a collective heart attack. Security best practices? Never heard of 'em.

The eternal developer dilemma: why complete a task in seconds when you can spend an entire workday crafting an elaborate automation script that you'll use exactly once? It's not laziness—it's tactical inefficiency . Sure, the math doesn't add up (10 seconds vs. 10 hours), but that's not the point. The point is that we'd rather solve an interesting programming challenge than do a mundane task. Somewhere, a project manager just felt a disturbance in the force. And yes, we'll absolutely claim it was "for future scalability" in the sprint retrospective.

The ultimate power move in Linux - flashing your "sudo" card when the system tries to stop you. It's like having a universal backstage pass to your own computer. For the uninitiated, "sudo" (superuser do) is basically telling your Linux system "I'm the boss here" before running a command. No more permission denied nonsense - just wave that magical prefix and watch as filesystem restrictions bow before you. Ten years into my career and I still get that tiny power rush every time I type those four letters. Who needs therapy when you have root access?