Fixed It (Until The Next Outage)

The classic corporate bait and switch. Management (excited German Shepherd) buys some shiny new dev tool after a slick demo, while the developer (unimpressed cat) sits through what was promised as a "tutorial" but is actually just 45 minutes of marketing fluff about features they'll never implement. The cat's dead-inside expression perfectly captures that moment when you realize you've wasted an hour of your life watching someone click through pre-built examples while explaining absolutely nothing of technical value.

The graph that exposes our dirty little secret. Nothing says "I trust this code completely" like scrolling at Mach 10 through a 10,000-line PR while muttering "yeah, seems fine" under your breath. The curve shoots up exponentially because we all know the unspoken rule: the longer the PR, the less anyone actually reads it. By line 5,000, you're basically just admiring how pretty the syntax highlighting looks while hitting that approve button. For bonus points, drop an "LGTM" comment to prove you definitely, absolutely, 100% read every single line. Trust me, your future self debugging production at 3 AM will be so grateful.

When half the internet suddenly vanishes because AWS decided to take a nap, there's nothing left to do but rediscover the mythical "outdoors." The tweet says it all: "AWS is down, go touch grass." Suddenly DevOps engineers everywhere are forced to experience sunlight, fresh air, and the strange green stuff growing from the ground. The most terrifying part? Some of them might actually enjoy it. Nature: the ultimate fallback system when your cloud provider fails.

That tiny crack in the dam is all that stands between your company and a catastrophic flood of bad code decisions from 2012. Management keeps asking why you're "wasting time" fixing the crack instead of building that pointless new feature nobody asked for. Meanwhile, the intern just asked what "documentation" means.

The emotional damage of hearing "that feature won't be deployed" hits harder than any dog bite. You spent 3 days optimizing that algorithm, refactoring legacy code, and writing pristine documentation... only for management to casually toss it in the digital trash bin because "users won't notice it anyway." The dog might not bite, but management's casual dismissal of your work is the real psychological doberman attack. Somewhere in a parallel universe, there's a git branch with all our rejected masterpieces, living their best lives.

The eternal battle of productivity vs. procrastination, and somehow procrastination is always the underdog that pulls off the upset victory. On the left: Steam, YouTube, Wikipedia, Netflix, Spotify, and Reddit – basically the six horsemen of the productivity apocalypse. On the right: a single Jira ticket with vague requirements that somehow needs to be completed by EOD. That Jira ticket could say "fix the thing" with zero context and still have three stakeholders asking for status updates every 15 minutes. Meanwhile, you've somehow spent two hours reading Wikipedia articles about medieval farming techniques. Just another Tuesday.