Low Tech Security Wins Again

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of these job listings! 💀 What started as a joke is now the HORRIFYING REALITY of tech recruiting. They're not looking for a "full stack developer" - they're demanding a supernatural being who can single-handedly replace an ENTIRE IT DEPARTMENT while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: barely above minimum wage). Next they'll require you to build a time machine so you can work 48 hours in a 24-hour day! And don't forget the "5+ years experience" in technologies that have existed for 2 years! The modern tech job market is basically just corporate execs screaming "DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!" while throwing peanuts at desperate developers.

Content 1 Am Devloper iamdevloper The AWS status page right now.. GIF 22817, 1:40 PM FLL JUST PUT THIS OVER HERE... WITH THE REST OF THE FiRE. 264 RETWEETS 296 LIKES

Content REALITY Linked in VS. Google 2 convert double to int java Certified developer 5x java certifications, 9x aws certifications 8x microsoft certifications 7x sap certifications

The joke here is multi-layered, like an onion made of pure irony. Internet Explorer, famously the slowest browser known to mankind, has a Twitter handle "@TheFastest" while reporting on an AWS outage. But the real punchline? The tweet is dated April 1st, 2019, has supposedly 94.8M retweets (more than any tweet in history), and Internet Explorer wouldn't even know about an outage until three years after it was fixed. It's like watching a tortoise report breaking news.

Content polar thinks peopte shoutdn"t starve p01arstOrm Follow v syn YO ILL TELL YA WHAT I WANT WAT I REALLY REALLY WANT ack SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT syn ILL TELL YA WHAT I WANT WAT I REALLY REALLY WANT ack SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT 8:20 AM - 3 May 2018 208 Retweets 488 Likes 16 17 208 488 Tweet your reply polar thanks peopte shoudn't starve p01arstOrm 19h ALL THIS TIME COMPUTERS HAVE BEEN SINGING SPICE GIRLS SONGS 17 15 62

Content Giulio Carrara 3rd Software Engineer 1d g Dear recruiters, if you are looking for: - Java, Python, PHP - React, Angular - PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB - AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS - nix system administration - Git and CI with TDD - Docker, Kubernetes That's not a Full Stack Developer. That's an entire IT department. Yours truly 8,801 391 comments