Low Tech Security Wins Again

Behold! The MYTHICAL CREATURE known as the "entry-level developer" according to job listings! 🙄 You want to break into tech? HONEY, PLEASE! First, master 17 programming languages, 3 cloud platforms, every database known to mankind, and while you're at it, BUILD AN OPERATING SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH! The audacity of HR expecting you to wear a "Full Stack Developer" hoodie while carrying a "@SeniorDeveloper" bag and being SURROUNDED by tech logos that would make even a 20-year veteran break into a cold sweat! Entry level position: Must know JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, C#, Ruby, Angular, Node.js, AWS, GCP, Oracle, SQL Server, MySQL, PostgreSQL, Docker, Kotlin, Swift... and we're offering a WHOPPING $15/hour! But there's free coffee in the break room, so... TOTALLY WORTH IT, RIGHT?! 💅

The digital equivalent of building a skyscraper on toothpicks. When Cloudflare sneezes, half the internet calls in sick. Remember that 2022 outage when we all suddenly discovered how many services were secretly running on their CDN? Nothing like watching DevOps teams worldwide simultaneously open Slack to type "It's not just us, right?" while frantically checking status pages that are—plot twist—also hosted on Cloudflare. And AWS is just chilling there as the middle support, pretending they've never caused a similar panic. The internet's not distributed—it's just a very elaborate game of Jenga being played by a handful of cloud providers.

Content Junior developers when they need to implement a custom IdentityServer template using Kubernetes in AWS instead of sorting a list of integers

Content USER I HATE THIS PROGRAM! THE SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS WHO WROTE THIS WERE DUMBASSES! LANGUAGE DESIGNER IHATE THIS ENVIRONMENT! THE ENGINEERS WHO CREATED THIS SYSTEM WERE DUMBASSES! PHYSICIST MAN, FUCK GRAVITY 2010-2011 SOMETHINGOFTHATILK.COM PROGRAMMER IHATE THIS LANGUAGE! THE DESIGNERS WHO CREATED THIS LANGUAGE WERE DUMBASSES! ENGINEER IHATE BULDING THIS CIRCUTRY! THE PHYSICISTS WHO DISCOVERED THESE LAWS WERE DUMBASSES!

SWEET MOTHER OF CHAOS! First day at AWS and this absolute MADLAD just casually mentions fixing a "small bug" in DynamoDB clustering and PUSHING IT TO PRODUCTION?! 💀 Then saunters off for coffee like they didn't just potentially set fire to Amazon's entire database infrastructure! That casual "will check back if everything is working" is sending me into orbit! This is the digital equivalent of saying "I noticed the nuclear reactor was making a funny noise so I hit it with a wrench" and then going for lunch. Somewhere, a senior developer is having heart palpitations while frantically rolling back changes!

Content When your software draws family trees and you get a recursion error imaflip.com