Programmers Gambling Addiction

The ultimate conspiracy theory has been revealed—programming is just a massive hoax! According to this groundbreaking exposé, we've all been duped. Computers were meant to solve math, not be programmed. C is clearly just a letter in the alphabet that got way too full of itself. And if you need to print something? Grab a pen like a normal human being! My favorite part is the claim that optimizing CPU usage with recursive threaded methods is "nonsensical" and "deranged." Well, excuse me for trying to make my code run 0.02% faster while consuming only 99.8% of available RAM! And the evidence is damning: colored text in terminals, compilation errors, and a teapot you can't even drink from. Clearly, if programming were real, someone would have figured out how to make while(true){print(money);} work by now. Checkmate, developers.

Ah, sweet summer child with dreams of "enhancing" the Linux kernel with AI. Linus Torvalds is probably already typing a profanity-laden email explaining why your brilliant idea belongs in the same category as "adding blockchain to grep" or "making systemd even bigger." The Linux kernel maintainers have spent decades perfecting schedulers that can run everything from supercomputers to toasters. But sure, slap some AI on it! While you're at it, why not rewrite the whole thing in JavaScript? Those 9 replies are probably ranging from "please read the kernel documentation first" to "who let the intern on the mailing list again?"

The pinnacle of software engineering: a digital clock implementation that would make computer science professors weep. This masterpiece features arrays with missing values, commented out time libraries (because who needs those?), nested loops that would make Dante add another circle to hell, and the iconic comment "//fuck i++" which perfectly captures the developer's spiritual journey. Yet somehow, against all laws of programming and human decency, the output shows a working clock counting from 11:56 to 00:02. It's the coding equivalent of building a rocket with duct tape and prayers—and watching it actually reach orbit.

Classic off-by-one error in the wild. Six candles for a 26th birthday because arrays start at zero. The cake compiler didn't throw any errors, so clearly it's working as intended. That chocolate frosting looks suspiciously like a failed merge conflict resolution.

OH. MY. GOD. Who wrote this abomination?! 😱 The function isEven(x) is literally comparing a number to the STRING "even"?! The absolute AUDACITY! Instead of doing basic math like x % 2 == 0 , some chaotic evil developer decided to check if a number equals the word "even"! This is the coding equivalent of using a chainsaw to spread butter. I can't even begin to process the mental gymnastics required to create this monstrosity. And the worst part? Someone, somewhere is probably using this in production RIGHT NOW. 💀

Nothing—and I mean nothing —beats the euphoric high of writing code that executes in 0ms with 100% efficiency. That brief moment when your algorithm isn't just working, but thriving . Sure, money's nice and status has its perks, but have you ever optimized a function so perfectly that even your IDE is impressed? It's the digital equivalent of a standing ovation, except the only one clapping is your inner nerd who hasn't seen sunlight in three days.